Joe Long

About Joe Long

Joe Long lives in Cayce, South Carolina. He holds a master's degree in history from Georgia College and State University. He has a very patient wife, five homeschooled children, and a job.

Trumping “Emmy-nence”

No aristocratic titles Are attached to presidents… But after that awards show? Well, call Trump “His Emmy-nence”. He’s their unifying figure, And the sum of all their fears; He’s the drabness of their comedy. The punchline to their tears. Though not quite every moment Was about him, I suppose; I hear some “Handmaidens”

By | 2017-09-21T19:08:07+00:00 September 19th, 2017|

The Ballad of Sir Ben

To Berkeley rode Shapiro, Bold knight with banners gay. (’Twas neither crusade nor jihad— He rolleth not that way.) Quite modest his agenda, Quite mild and orthodox— Yet what a fuss ensued then! ’Twas Indeed a paradox. SJWs accused him Of most foul blasphemy. Inquired goodman Shapiro: “Is my speech, forsooth, not free?”

By | 2017-09-20T17:23:58+00:00 September 17th, 2017|

Pigskin Doggerel

The (Football) Star-Mangled Banner (An Anthem With Offensive Lines) Oh, say, have you seen how your ratings have dropped? Seems your viewers don’t find grownup tantrums too charming. (A decline, as you know, never caused by T-Bow, Whose religious displays you found strange and alarming.) It’s confusing to you, But believe me, it’s

By | 2017-09-17T11:45:59+00:00 September 15th, 2017|

Feinstein’s Getting Verse

Editor's Note:  Senator Dianne Feinstein (D, CA) yesterday attacked a Catholic federal judicial nominee because, as Feinstein claimed, ""When you read your speeches, the conclusion one draws is that the dogma lives loudly within you, and that's of concern when you come to big issues that large numbers of people have fought for,

By | 2017-09-09T12:07:57+00:00 September 7th, 2017|

On Harvey’s Heels

Do you recall the previous FLOTUS? Whene’er her biceps she showed us, How the media gushed and cooed - Worshipful, their attitude. Dutifully each courtier, Praised each outfit she might wear And, perhaps, that helped her be (At last!) proud of her country. Now a FLOTUS sports some heels… And the reaction reveals

By | 2017-09-05T13:19:18+00:00 September 1st, 2017|

The Proverbs of Pelosi

In her attempt to deny the free speech rights of a group called "Patriot Prayer," Nancy Pelosi argued that the group should not be granted a permit to hold a prayer rally on public lands because you can't "yell wolf in a crowded theater." Below, American Greatness' resident poet, Joe Long, memorializes the howling stupidity and mixed

By | 2017-08-28T12:07:45+00:00 August 25th, 2017|

Revving Up the General Lee

There once was an Asian named "Lee," Whose boss said, "Stand down, Bob. You see, "If you announce that game, "Just the sound of your name "Might bring back the Confederacy!" Regarding him quizzically, Bob replied, "I must say, I don't see "How the South's the Far East - "But it WAS nice,

By | 2017-08-26T13:32:46+00:00 August 24th, 2017|

Antisocial Justice: A Poem

All rise!” intoned the bailiff, And then everybody rose. My lawyer took a deep breath And then muttered, “Well, here goes . . .” Her lack of optimism Was quite warranted, I guess, For the evidence was clear And I had flagrantly transgressed. Weeks ago, I had admitted (And it started quite a

By | 2017-08-11T18:07:54+00:00 August 9th, 2017|

The Diversity Queen: A Poem

The Queen of Hearts, from Wonderland, Climbed from her rabbit hole, Strode into College Admissions And assumed royal control. “I object to objectivity!” She regally declared. “By my arbitrary standards Applicants shall be compared.” “And this shall be the way of it: Brains shall mean less than skin. We’ll evaluate our scholars Based

By | 2017-08-09T12:27:05+00:00 August 6th, 2017|

Ballad of the Unsuccessful Fugitive (Or ‘Never a Dulles Moment’)

Imran Awan, he used to be Wasserman-Schultz's employee, And he did lots of secret stuff— Alas! Not quite secret enough. Imran Awan, I'm sad to say, Said, "Ima gonna runaway," But at the airport ran into Agent Ima Gunna Katchoo. Imran Awan the runaway Perhaps feared he'd be done away With, like some

By | 2017-07-30T10:45:50+00:00 July 26th, 2017|