Joe Long

About Joe Long

Joe Long lives in Cayce, South Carolina. He holds a master's degree in history from Georgia College and State University. He has a very patient wife, five homeschooled children, and a job.

Revving Up the General Lee

There once was an Asian named "Lee," Whose boss said, "Stand down, Bob. You see, "If you announce that game, "Just the sound of your name "Might bring back the Confederacy!" Regarding him quizzically, Bob replied, "I must say, I don't see "How the South's the Far East - "But it WAS nice,

By | 2017-08-26T13:32:46+00:00 August 24th, 2017|

Antisocial Justice: A Poem

All rise!” intoned the bailiff, And then everybody rose. My lawyer took a deep breath And then muttered, “Well, here goes . . .” Her lack of optimism Was quite warranted, I guess, For the evidence was clear And I had flagrantly transgressed. Weeks ago, I had admitted (And it started quite a

By | 2017-08-11T18:07:54+00:00 August 9th, 2017|

The Diversity Queen: A Poem

The Queen of Hearts, from Wonderland, Climbed from her rabbit hole, Strode into College Admissions And assumed royal control. “I object to objectivity!” She regally declared. “By my arbitrary standards Applicants shall be compared.” “And this shall be the way of it: Brains shall mean less than skin. We’ll evaluate our scholars Based

By | 2017-08-09T12:27:05+00:00 August 6th, 2017|

Ballad of the Unsuccessful Fugitive (Or ‘Never a Dulles Moment’)

Imran Awan, he used to be Wasserman-Schultz's employee, And he did lots of secret stuff— Alas! Not quite secret enough. Imran Awan, I'm sad to say, Said, "Ima gonna runaway," But at the airport ran into Agent Ima Gunna Katchoo. Imran Awan the runaway Perhaps feared he'd be done away With, like some

By | 2017-07-30T10:45:50+00:00 July 26th, 2017|

Russian to Conclusions: A Poem

In the aftermath of scandal, Junior’s looking rather meek— He’s been out behind the woodshed. He won’t sit down for a week. Now, to send Russia a message So clear that she can’t ignore it. Send our ships to rain cruise missiles On an airfield they support— Then, to reinforce the lesson, Give

By | 2017-07-20T16:53:07+00:00 July 17th, 2017|

Fake Hate Crime: A Poem

These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,  A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

By | 2017-07-19T15:05:28+00:00 July 15th, 2017|

CNN Justifies the Meme

CNN Justifies the Meme (with apologies to Kipling’s “Arithmetic on the Frontier”) A great and glamorous thing it was, The media high ground to own— To set each debate’s terms, because Yours was the mightiest microphone— And your pronouncements carried weight. You squandered that, though.  It’s too late. Much credibility you spent, Through

By | 2017-07-07T12:55:49+00:00 July 5th, 2017|

Fie on Godwin!

Progressives, it’s time for a tough talk. (Been delayed a long time now, you guys.) We’re afraid you’ve become, what you call us - Yes, it’s hard to conclude otherwise. “All those who oppose us are Nazis!”, Chant your self-righteous thugs, in the street. Look down towards your toes, for a moment: The

By | 2017-06-19T15:44:13+00:00 June 15th, 2017|