Joe Long

About Joe Long

Joe Long lives in Cayce, South Carolina. He holds a master's degree in history from Georgia College and State University. He has a very patient wife, five homeschooled children, and a job.


Twas quarter-past Hysteric, and The media did sound alarms; All froozy were the Democrats, Yarping of firearms. “Beware, my son, the Bumperstock; The muzzle-loading barrel shroud! Priced less than books, the plastic Glock, Which the Gunshow Loophole allowed! “The machinegun, bought at Wal-Mart, With silencers! And don’t forget The Shoulder-Thingy-That-Goes–UP; Likewise, the Chainsaw

By | 2017-12-02T14:19:22+00:00 December 2nd, 2017|

Scandalous Limericks

In the year of Hugh Hefner’s demise, 'Twas a season of hues and of cries. Though the media mob might Have hoped to harm the Right— It has largely turned out otherwise. Harvey Weinstein’s case started it all— And this autumn became his big Fall, As details were confirmed, All of Hollywood squirmed.

By | 2017-11-29T18:37:56+00:00 November 29th, 2017|

A Danny Deever Do-Over

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling. “What’s on the news this mornin’, Sarge?” said Files-on-Parade.“More signs of the Apocalypse,” his Platoon Sergeant said.“Hey, Sarge, how come you turned it off?” said Files-on-Parade.“ ‘Cause I can’t stand to hear no more,” the Platoon Sergeant said.“For they’re releasing Bowe Berghdahl; they have let him off scot-free,“He’s said he’s

By | 2017-11-06T12:29:08+00:00 November 6th, 2017|

Sky Screamers

Why,” inquired the Psalmist, “do the heathen rage?” That’s a question to revisit, in every age. If King David were to ask me that today, I’d reply: “I suppose they did not get their way.” Why do the coyotes howl at the moon? Though it is a particularly soulful tune, Those aren’t astronomers,

By | 2017-11-02T15:39:23+00:00 November 2nd, 2017|

Trick or Mistreating

Tell me, have you picked a costume for your campus Trick-or-Treating? Nowadays, it bears repeating, you had best take special care. The occasion may be festive, but the “crybullies” are restive, And they’re utterly obsessed; witch-hunts might happen anywhere. So, no sarongs, no kimonos; no sombreros—those are no-no’s. In fact, if you’d avoid

By | 2017-10-27T14:50:34+00:00 October 27th, 2017|

Uranium One: A Tale from Ancient Times

In the reign of Barack the Anointed, Him whom they called “the Transparent One,” His SecState got a half-a-mil kickback For the sale of Uranium One. In the context of a “Russia reset” (Which was over 'ere it had begun) It appears He-Who-Led-From-Behind didn’t mind Her “baksheesh” for Uranium One. “What thou dost,

By | 2017-10-23T14:54:26+00:00 October 23rd, 2017|

She Didn’t Know What She Signed Up For

She didn’t know what she signed up for,She does not understand it at all—Why not use, for political ambush,A Gold Star family’s condolence call?She didn’t know what she signed up for,When she launched her preemptive attack—She’d assumed that the rules of engagementSpecified that no one could fight back.She didn’t know what she signed up

By | 2017-10-20T13:25:12+00:00 October 20th, 2017|

On the Occasion of the International Day of the Girl

The action-movie heroine,(Stance dramatic, costume tight)Defeats predatory villainsWith her righteous wrath and might.They’re heavier by thirty pounds,Most of it’s muscle mass—She lines ‘em up and knocks ‘em down.(An expert choreographs.)The lady never loses—That would be no fun to see;The audience revels in herInvincibility.She needs no rescuer.She gives no damsel’s distress call—A suggestion that she’s

By | 2017-10-11T15:27:16+00:00 October 11th, 2017|