Joe Long

About Joe Long

Joe Long lives in Cayce, South Carolina. He holds a master's degree in history from Georgia College and State University. He has a very patient wife, five homeschooled children, and a job.

Three 2018 SOTU Drinking Games

It’s a national tradition almost as venerable as  televised State of the Union addresses themselves, to honor the occasion with drinking games. Generally a charming custom, the tradition hit a new low during the Obama years, with a little game called “Drink Until This Guy Starts Making Sense” proving particularly problematic. (Especially when

By | 2018-01-30T00:14:50+00:00 January 30th, 2018|

Telling Whoppers (Bigly)

In a rather odd and likely counterproductive foray into corporate partisanship, the venerable American fast food chain "Burger King" has created a video for social media, purporting to demonstrate the importance of the misnamed "Net Neutrality" regulations. In the video, customers ordering "Whoppers" are told that they must pay exorbitant fees for speedy

By | 2018-01-26T11:25:46+00:00 January 26th, 2018|

Mueller and the Plan B Team

Through the files,  Karen “paged;” Remorselessly, Peter “struck;” Ruthlessly, Lorretta “lynched.’ Comey? He just ran amok. Thus a bureaucrat cabal  Turned political machine— Tried to exert influence Through maneuvers Byzantine. Now, reduced to lame excuses, Their conspiracy’s a fail; May their story be recorded, As a cautionary tale.

By | 2018-01-23T15:17:13+00:00 January 23rd, 2018|

Of President Oprah

Some of those whose Leftist schemes have been shattered, by DJT, To a million little pieces, have fled from reality. Lately, they have been  indulging in a daydream of perfection— A populist plutocrat to whom they’d have no objection. Her talk show has been popular, her magazine is slick; Best-sellerdom attends her every

By | 2018-01-10T11:49:19+00:00 January 10th, 2018|

The Unkindest Tax Cut

A well-to-do acquaintance, I encountered on the street. His brow was deeply furrowed, wearily he dragged his feet; Such consternation marked him, that I hurried to his side “What’s wrong?!” “They’ve cut my taxes,” he despairingly replied. “Oh, I’m so sor…wait, what?” I asked him, as he gave a sob. “You looked as

By | 2018-01-09T10:50:01+00:00 January 9th, 2018|

Having Your Cake

Well, the florist is gone and the petals have dropped. The baker’s made cake, or else closed down his shop. “Man and man?” “Wife and wife”? Anyhow, there’s a ring. No question about that. Well…maybe ONE thing.Are you quite satisfied with the point that you made Because the law coerced a merry charade? Were

By | 2017-12-05T12:44:12+00:00 December 5th, 2017|

Bumperstocky

Twas quarter-past Hysteric, and The media did sound alarms; All froozy were the Democrats, Yarping of firearms. “Beware, my son, the Bumperstock; The muzzle-loading barrel shroud! Priced less than books, the plastic Glock, Which the Gunshow Loophole allowed! “The machinegun, bought at Wal-Mart, With silencers! And don’t forget The Shoulder-Thingy-That-Goes–UP; Likewise, the Chainsaw

By | 2017-12-02T14:19:22+00:00 December 2nd, 2017|

Scandalous Limericks

In the year of Hugh Hefner’s demise, 'Twas a season of hues and of cries. Though the media mob might Have hoped to harm the Right— It has largely turned out otherwise. Harvey Weinstein’s case started it all— And this autumn became his big Fall, As details were confirmed, All of Hollywood squirmed.

By | 2017-11-29T18:37:56+00:00 November 29th, 2017|

A Danny Deever Do-Over

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling. “What’s on the news this mornin’, Sarge?” said Files-on-Parade.“More signs of the Apocalypse,” his Platoon Sergeant said.“Hey, Sarge, how come you turned it off?” said Files-on-Parade.“ ‘Cause I can’t stand to hear no more,” the Platoon Sergeant said.“For they’re releasing Bowe Berghdahl; they have let him off scot-free,“He’s said he’s

By | 2017-11-06T12:29:08+00:00 November 6th, 2017|