Joe Long

About Joe Long

Joe Long lives in Cayce, South Carolina. He holds a master's degree in history from Georgia College and State University. He has a very patient wife, five homeschooled children, and a job.

On the Occasion of the International Day of the Girl

The action-movie heroine,(Stance dramatic, costume tight)Defeats predatory villainsWith her righteous wrath and might.They’re heavier by thirty pounds,Most of it’s muscle mass—She lines ‘em up and knocks ‘em down.(An expert choreographs.)The lady never loses—That would be no fun to see;The audience revels in herInvincibility.She needs no rescuer.She gives no damsel’s distress call—A suggestion that she’s

By | 2017-10-11T15:27:16+00:00 October 11th, 2017|

Tears of a Clown

Jimmy Kimmel, you dissimul- -late so poorly, that it’s crim’nal - Cloaking activism in A disguise supremely thin. “A sounding brass, a tinkling cymbal” Singing from the lib’ral hymnal - Weeping your tears crocodilian - Can that truly be fulfillin’? Are your viewers’ lives so grim, they’ll Applaud those tears, Mr. Kimmel? Is that what

By | 2017-10-03T14:08:09+00:00 October 3rd, 2017|

Primary Things

A Southern summer fades to Fall, And ‘Bama’s voters made a call Which wasn’t Strange. We might say Moore: It’s no longer safe to ignore The voice of ordinary folks (The butt of all those late-night jokes.) Yes, we like our Bibles, and guns; Ladylike daughters, manly sons; “Faith, hope and love” (which

By | 2017-09-28T08:48:03+00:00 September 28th, 2017|

Ready for the Rapture?

In case you haven't heard, Saturday (according to a newly released YouTube video) is supposed to be the date of "the Rapture." Resident Poet, Joe Long, has a few words of caution . . .   'Tis the night ere the Rapture, says some guy named Meade—It's numerologically guaranteed!But me in my cap,

By | 2017-09-25T12:33:24+00:00 September 22nd, 2017|

Trumping “Emmy-nence”

No aristocratic titles Are attached to presidents… But after that awards show? Well, call Trump “His Emmy-nence”. He’s their unifying figure, And the sum of all their fears; He’s the drabness of their comedy. The punchline to their tears. Though not quite every moment Was about him, I suppose; I hear some “Handmaidens”

By | 2017-09-21T19:08:07+00:00 September 19th, 2017|

The Ballad of Sir Ben

To Berkeley rode Shapiro, Bold knight with banners gay. (’Twas neither crusade nor jihad— He rolleth not that way.) Quite modest his agenda, Quite mild and orthodox— Yet what a fuss ensued then! ’Twas Indeed a paradox. SJWs accused him Of most foul blasphemy. Inquired goodman Shapiro: “Is my speech, forsooth, not free?”

By | 2017-09-20T17:23:58+00:00 September 17th, 2017|

Pigskin Doggerel

The (Football) Star-Mangled Banner (An Anthem With Offensive Lines) Oh, say, have you seen how your ratings have dropped? Seems your viewers don’t find grownup tantrums too charming. (A decline, as you know, never caused by T-Bow, Whose religious displays you found strange and alarming.) It’s confusing to you, But believe me, it’s

By | 2017-09-17T11:45:59+00:00 September 15th, 2017|

Feinstein’s Getting Verse

Editor's Note:  Senator Dianne Feinstein (D, CA) yesterday attacked a Catholic federal judicial nominee because, as Feinstein claimed, ""When you read your speeches, the conclusion one draws is that the dogma lives loudly within you, and that's of concern when you come to big issues that large numbers of people have fought for,

By | 2017-09-09T12:07:57+00:00 September 7th, 2017|

On Harvey’s Heels

Do you recall the previous FLOTUS? Whene’er her biceps she showed us, How the media gushed and cooed - Worshipful, their attitude. Dutifully each courtier, Praised each outfit she might wear And, perhaps, that helped her be (At last!) proud of her country. Now a FLOTUS sports some heels… And the reaction reveals

By | 2017-09-05T13:19:18+00:00 September 1st, 2017|