Great America

Saint Fredo of Queens

CNN’s patron saint of dolts, fibbers, and hair gel makers redefines Christianity.

Chris “Fredo” Cuomo, the preening, posturing CNN “anchorman” and runt of the Cuomo lineage, has taken up a new, self-defined position as the wholesome Defender of the Faith. Well, sort of.

In a testy badinage with conservative radio host Eric Metaxas on Friday, SOBO (son of, brother of) proclaimed that the president of the United States is “making a mockery” of Christianity. 

This is an amusing new stream of self-invented virtue from a guy who supposedly was raised Roman Catholic. The very same anointed one now berating the president on religious grounds, had a wonderful chance to display his true Christianity in a bar last summer, when someone addressed him as “Fredo.”

Did his halo glow as he seized the moment to look heavenward with outstretched palms and murmur in Latin, “Sit venia sibi ipis” (“May forgiveness be theirs”)? It would’ve been cinematic!

No.

Instead, Saint Fredo replied in unrestrained New York patois: “Don’t f—in’ insult me like that . . . You call me ‘Fredo,’ I call you punk b-tch, you like that?”

Andrew Dice Clay channeling Bishop Sheen!

Could there be a double standard here? Is it possible a CNN anchorman (genuflect) would represent himself one way on-air and completely different in the real world? Would this be acceptable to a viewing public willing to place its trust—even to the extent of decisions affecting their own family’s welfare—in this individual? A public prepared to relinquish their natural skepticism and accept his view of the world as an absolute fact? And which version of Chris Cuomo, the public must ask, is the authentic version? What does this behavior reveal about the character of Cuomo and about CNN’s willingness to pay him to showcase such duplicity?

As my friend Ed “Ginsu” Valenti likes to say: But wait! There’s more! 

Sensing he had an audience and he was on a roll, Cuomo continued his self-righteous rant with another attack on President Trump:

He does not practice humanity! He does not practice decency! He does not love mercy! He is intentionally unkind! He is mean to opponents! He puts himself before the collective! And he doesn’t honor his oath! These all matter to us, don’t they?

This, from the same saint who, during the incident noted above, addressed the stranger in the most decent, the most merciful, the kindest, the nicest, the classiest way of all: “I’ll f—in’ ruin your s–t. I’ll f—in’ throw you down these stairs like a f—in’ punk.” 

Spoken like a true Christian. A full-blown hypocrite, but a Christian nevertheless.

Seems there was a character in the Bible like that. Something about 30 pieces of silver, I think.