Pure Zuckery

Facebook is the claw crane of social media, with fewer prizes. Instead of stuffed toys filled with straw and roofing fabric, instead of toys laced with mercury and lead—in addition to all manner of choking hazards—for which every fourth dollar yields a 10-cent toy sufficient to make this game feel worthwhile, instead of something tangible we get a series of worthless and intangible likes, shares, and followers.

The difference between the machine and social media is that one may be cancerous, while the other is a cancer in its entirety; a global carcinogen that emits no noxious fumes and no harmful fallout, but is toxic just the same, because the face behind Facebook is a defective version of Lieutenant Commander Data save a VISOR to cover his non-blinking eyes. And yes, I know: Data is white—the character is beige, though the actor who plays him is white—while Geordi is black; but Mark Zuckerberg may as well be blind and colorless.

His workers treat him like a god.

If he thinks he is one, he should classify Facebook as a religion and seek tax-exempt status from the government.

The problem with this suggestion is not a matter of faith but its absence, because it is too hard to believe—it requires too much suspension of disbelief—for an IRS agent to look at this hooded man-child; to view this gold-plated idol whose comments belie his reputation as the chosen one, whose most memorable comment, “Move fast and break things,” is about as profound as any line of dialogue from “Up in Smoke”; and say, “OK.”

The bigger problem is that Mark Zuckerberg continues to act like, and his workers (soon-to-be-replaced by replicants) continue to treat him as, a god.

It is waste of time to argue about religion.

We can better spend our time and money on the crane instead.

Photo credit: iStock/Getty Images

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