Morning Routine

I must visit LinkedIn periodically to renew my sense of horror.

This week, I witnessed a sight I shall never erase from memory. Unless I enlist the expensive therapy of a psychoanalyst, decades from now, I’ll remain traumatized.

On LinkedIn, a man named Alexander C shared a helpful recipe with millions of go-getters, success-mongers, and rise-and-grinders.

LinkedIn is a kind of Facebook for the unhinged whose pathologies gather little purchase on other social media platforms. Here, sociopathy frolics freely.

Anyway, Alex walked us through his ingenuity:

“I’m travelling for work and instead of eating a fancy dinner out, I’ve decided to cook a cheaper meal in the hotel room,” he explained.

“Even though the hotel room didn’t have a kitchen, I managed to use the coffee machine to cook chicken with butter and garlic.

“Although my company allows me to expense dinner while travelling, I wanted to save money because I know that every dollar counts.

“It’s the little things that get you promoted.”

When I was a child, reader, it was the little things that got you sectioned and jabbed with a floaty drug called Risperdal.

I don’t know whether Alex was commenting satirically upon our “rise and grind” culture in which we publicly castrate ourselves to the lowest bidder in pursuit of some demented notion of ‘success,’ but this kind of madness prevails on LinkedIn.

The current fetish is that of the morning routine. One babbitt outlined his “perfect” morning routine, which involved 60 minutes of what he called a “rampage of appreciation.”

I can only guess what such a rampage of appreciation entails . . .

Read the rest at Christopher Gage’s Substack, Oxford Sour. And please subscribe.

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About Christopher Gage

Christopher Gage is a British political journalist and a founding member of the Gentlemen of the Swig. Subscribe to his Substack, "Oxford Sour."

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