When Harry Met Salty

If they were honest, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, would have refrained from calling their Netflix spectacle a documentary. They also would have declined to call it “Harry & Meghan.” It might have been more accurate, given Meghan’s incessant complaining, to call it “Grandma Got Run Over By Two Malcontents.” 

Grandma happens to be the late Queen Elizabeth II, whose decades of noble service made her loved by practically everyone. Her charitable legacy says, you’re welcome. But the unspecial Sussexes think otherwise. In the trailer to their Netflix crockumentary, Harry and Meghan all but accuse her of murdering Princess Diana and waging war on them. 

Harry’s dropping this you-killed-my-mom bomb directly on the late Queen’s still-fresh grave.

Talk about family drama!

Isn’t it fascinating that he waited until she was safely dead? A man of sterling courage, Harry is. The Fredo of the House of Windsor.

For her part, after turning a B-level entertainment career—she was a briefcase holder on television’s “Deal or No Deal,” among other not-all-that-amazing credits—into marriage to an actual prince, Meghan Markle has done nothing but complain. She complains about Harry’s family, complains about her own estranged family, and is, of course, as woke as woke can be. 

It wasn’t always this way. As even Harry and Meghan’s Netflix trailer admits, she got rock star treatment once their engagement was announced and enjoyed it into the early days of their marriage. The whole world was astonished that this actress most of us had honestly never heard of had captured the somewhat popular Prince of England’s heart. It was right out of a storybook. Many Americans were particularly smitten with the soon-to-be royal who was from our side of the pond. She was quite the FedEx girl in the filmHorrible Bosses.”

Inevitably Meghan’s complaining started, and she has just never ever stopped. Just recently, she complained about not getting paid for a tour she’s supposed to do as a royal. She’s sitting on a pile of wealth most of the world can’t even imagine, but she wants more. She complained about the entertainment career she chose and which she parlayed from obscurity into worldwide fame (or infamy, as things seem to be going). She complains about being “objectified” and complains when others complain about her complaining. 

It’s as if the entire world is now hen-pecked by this ungrateful harpy. She. Just. Never. Stops. Complaining. I’m not even married to Meghan, and I’d like to file for divorce.

The Duchess of Woke can’t even be honest about her complaining. She and Harry claimed they were moving to the United States to get out of the horrible London limelight. But she’s come right out of her self-professed life in hiding to accept an award in New York among the world’s elites for fighting against racism. The Daily Mail captures Meghan’s towering hypocrisy:

The 41-year-old Duchess was beaming from ear-to-ear as she made her way into the Ripple of Hope Gala in New York Citypulling her husband, 38, along by the hand. 

It’s not just Harry’s hand Meghan has got a death grip on.

Meghan and Harry are attending the galaan event for which tickets were being sold for up to $1 million eachto accept a human rights award from the Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Foundation, a prize that counts Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton among its former recipients.

Meghan will surely find something to complain about in an event that honors her for existing and for which it costs a prince’s fortune just to be in her royal presence. 

She’ll probably complain about this nugget getting exposed:

The couplewho profess themselves to be eco-warriorspulled up at the event in a convoy of three SUVs, accompanied by five security guards who helped them out of their vehicle, having jetted into New York City on a private jet yesterday. 

Why do two plucky people who just want to live a normal life need a convoy of gas-guzzling SUVs and armed security they would deny us mere mortals? Why do they need private atmosphere-destroying jets? Why do they need awards for just doing the right thing?

How much did these rubes have to pay Meghan to turn up in her one-of-a-kind Louis Vuitton dress that cost more than most people’s houses and which she will never wear again?

Harry claims in the trailer that he and Meghan know the “full truth.” The truth is these two are frauds. The biggest grifters on the planet. They use a photo in the trailer that, they claim, shows the media hounding them to no end. But the truth is, that photo is from a Harry Potter event to which the Duke and Duchess invited the media themselves. They use footage that has nothing to do with them at all, claiming it shows what a horrible life they lead. “Harry & Meghan” is already being called shoddy and sloppy.

Most people’s family dysfunction doesn’t turn up in slipshod documentaries and legislation, but now there’s a move in Parliament underway to strip Harry and Meghan of their royal titles. “There is a political issue,” Conservative Member of Parliament Bob Seely said of his royal-ripping bill. “As well as trashing his family and monetizing his misery for public consumption, he is also attacking some important institutions in this country.”

What Harry and Meghan really know best—their “truth” if you will—is how to turn the ultimate life of privilege and power into one huge bitch-fest in which they are, somehow, always the victims. They’re pretty good at that, like two back-bencher actors stepping onto a grand stage and reciting their poisonous lines. The two dummies doth protest too much, methinks.

Well, one of them is a half-decent actor. The other wore tight little dresses on “Deal or No Deal.”

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