The B.S. Ticket

The Democrats have now concluded, overwhelmingly, that Joe Biden is a fake, one-term “transition” president. Surely, he has to go because of age and dismal favorability ratings. So, it is time to focus on what comes next. Even the New York Times has declared as much on its opinion page. And the Washington Post, which has always loudly championed Biden, says “Quit Joe, Quit.” 

Amazingly, 3 in 4 Democratic voters say they don’t want Joe anymore and are convinced an 82-year-old should not run again.

With such ringing endorsements and historically low polls, what’s a despairing party to do?

Realizing that Vice President Word Salad is a total flop and can’t do much besides cackle (even if identity politics is supposed to be supreme), they absolutely have to turn elsewhere. Kamala Harris’ ratings are even lower than Slow Joe’s, if that is possible. The blue-state governors are one possible option. Brain-impaired sociopath Gavin Newsom, from the increasingly deadly homeless haven of California, or Two-Ton Pritzker  of Illinois, likely won’t cut it, at least not when they’re fully vetted.

The progressives therefore should conclude that now their best ticket is . . . the B.S. choice.

Yes, Beto and Stacey 

Honestly, the only question in such an ebony and ivory ploy, is who to put on top. Both are such “proven” winners. Stacey Abrams says she won in Georgia and likely will “win” again in November, albeit by a negative count. Robert Francis O’Rourke, the rich white kid, from preppy Woodberry Forest, turned Hispanic, has lost his last three fights and is down in his bid to be governor in Texas—but this never stopped him from talking big, either. 

Together, the B.S. ticket could be just about unstoppable. Balanced in every way, what could be better?

America would love it for any number of reasons. On the one hand, you have the virulent gun grabber and open borders guy. He is so handsome, The Atlantic gave him a cover story that compared him positively with John F. Kennedy, who we all know won Marilyn Monroe’s heart, as well as her body. (So did his lesser brother, Bobby.) In the case of Abrams  we have the obese, Black Lives Matter loving, steamy novelist, who brings us to a sort of identity politics dream. 

The transplanted Texan may care more about climate change than the Georgian, yet both B and  S would wildly agree that we are all dead in less than a decade without radical environmental action. We all need to be in electric cars and they need to all be powered by windmills. 

Since the world would end (as they always predict) around the close of their second term in office, they would logically be free to do just about anything after declaring a “climate emergency.” They could mandate equality of outcomes, redistribute wealth, impose all kinds of equity demands—gender, racial, and so on—institute reparations, but only for some, and socialism in general. 

With such an “existential threat” looming over all our heads, why would we do anything but live it up if the end is nigh? Time is perennially running out, at least since the infamous Limits to Growth report by the Club of Rome elitists in the 1970s. A less than original slogan B.S. could employ would be: Just Do It, Now.

Hopelessness, by definition, does not inspire much hope. With such honesty about doom and gloom, America would be free to worry less, enjoy more, and to come to the realization that politics won’t save us, either. We could rent our clothes, hell, burn them altogether, and all the inner cities at the same time, and relocate to the mountain top, waiting (possibly in vain) for the final day. It could be our last “Summer of Love.” 

With such a profoundly uplifting prospect as the B.S. ticket would present, we would not necessarily need to collect taxes anymore, or have a national defense, or even a foreign policy. Perhaps we could entice some other socialists in Europe or commies in China to join us. The noble savages would probably go along, too. In such a scenario there could be a run on earthly things, a sort of unprecedented supply chain crisis or B.S. could spread more of their B.S. and mandate true belief and yes, vaccines plus boosters, for nonbelievers. Progressive mind control using fake science, a.k.a. Faucism, academic supremacy, and big tech AI, would be the B.S. party platform. The tagline here could be: Extinction Means Everyone.

B.S. would likely need or want an economic plank. A hardly unique and much traveled one would be: From each according to his or her or xi’s ability, to each according to his or her or xi’s need. This was of course a slogan that Karl Marx himself (minus the pronouns) made popular in his writing Critique of the Gotha Program, published in 1875. The German original is, Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen, as B.S. certainly knows. According to Marx, once a true communist society has been established, it will produce enough goods and services so that everyone’s needs can be satisfied. This fits perfectly with the B.S. plan. It must be true, as experience has clearly demonstrated in so many places, over so many decades.

Selena Montgomery, Stacey Abrams’ pen name for her trashy sex novels, also wrote a nonfiction book titled, While Justice Sleeps. I didn’t read it but can only guess with whom she sleeps. Defunding the police and putting criminals free, is something she shares in common with her other, Soros-funded half. She would definitely take the lead on voting though, as the absolute expert. Changing voting for good, B.S. would make sure the Democrats never lose another election again (and forever since we only have 10 years, remember). The slogan, Vote Left and Vote Often, would mean something and come to fruition.  

Criminalizing the opposition, January 6 style, B.S. would put all the insurrectionists away for good. No more domestic terrorists, as they refer to this basket of deplorables. By shuttering Walmarts nationwide, we won’t have to smell them anymore, either.

Rounding out this uber progressive ticket, B.S. will demand universal Medicaid for everyone, illegals first, education debt-free, pre K- through eternity, free birth control and abortions nationally, the end of citizenship, a sanctuary country, far higher taxes and a massive wealth tax on the rich and middle class, seizure of all guns, no female-only sports, minimum wages of at least $100 an hour, additional stimulus checks ad infinitum, and the return of all stolen U.S. land, which means the entire continent, to the natives who also migrated but who got here about a thousand years or so before the Spanish and treacherous and conniving white people.

B.S. is quite a load of bullshit. But who knows? With Joe removed and Trump possibly in jail if the Justice Department has its way, it might just work, this time.

Get the news corporate media won't tell you.

Get caught up on today's must read stores!

By submitting your information, you agree to receive exclusive AG+ content, including special promotions, and agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms. By providing your phone number and checking the box to opt in, you are consenting to receive recurring SMS/MMS messages, including automated texts, to that number from my short code. Msg & data rates may apply. Reply HELP for help, STOP to end. SMS opt-in will not be sold, rented, or shared.

About Theodore Roosevelt Malloch

Theodore Roosevelt Malloch, scholar-diplomat-strategist, is CEO of the thought leadership firm The Roosevelt Group. He is the author of 18 books, including The Plot to Destroy Trump and, with Felipe J. Cuello, Trump's World: GEO DEUS. He appears regularly in the media, as a keynote speaker, and on television around the world. 

Photo: Megan Varner/Getty Images