Buy Me Some Peanuts And Cracker Lia

Bruce was on the Wheaties box—back when Caitlyn was still Bruce. Penn’s Lia Thomas might be a candidate for the Cracker Jill box. Just in time to reward him for tying for fifth alongside the University of Kentucky’s Riley Gaines in the NCCA Women’s 200 Meter Freestyle race the other day. 

Yes, Cracker Jill. 

The famous popcorn snack once synonymous with Jack is the latest to transition—into Jill. Several of them, actually. One for each color of the Benetton rainbow and also the size chart. Don’t body shame, you racist patriarchal cisgender person!

Which, of course, presents a conundrum for Pepsi—the Woke Cola company that owns what formerly was the Cracker Jack brand—at least in terms of the possibility of having Lia on the box, given what’s still between his legs. 

Finally, one of his teammates has dared to speak about this openly. That would be Riley Gaines, who had to accept her trophy for sixth place despite having tied for fifth with Lia. Lia was given pride of place over Gaines, nevertheless. In an interview with Tucker Carlson, she said: “I went behind the podium to collect my fifth place trophy and they kind of blatantly told me that Lia would hold the fifth place trophy and that I could pose with the sixth place trophy for photos and I would be mailed a fifth place trophy.”     

“When I kind of questioned it, you know, I asked (the official) ‘is there a reason why you’re giving Lia the trophy?’ he just explained to me that, ‘we’re giving it in chronological order,’ and I questioned him again, what does that mean? What are we being chronological about? We tied. And he kind of blatantly said, ‘we’re just gonna give the trophy to Lia, we respect and admire your swim but Lia needs to hold the trophy.’”

Can you feel the creeping madness?

He needs to hold the trophy. 

In order to make the point. No—in order to rub it in the face of women like Riley Gaines that men now own their sport. 

As Tucker went on to point out, not only is the NCAA allowing biological men to compete with biological women in sports where being a biological male confers a massive inherent strength advantage that no amount of training or dedication can overcome, it is also promoting biological males over females who are just as good.

“There is difference between your sex and your gender identity,” Gaines told Tucker. Yes. Kind of like the difference between night and day. 

She went on to describe the way she feels Title IX is being “misconstrued” and how people like Thomas and his enablers are “completely violating women and women’s rights.”    

“It was really baffling,” she went on, regarding Title IX, the federal legislation passed in 1972 that prohibits sex-based discrimination in any college or university that receives funding from the federal government. Under Title IX, schools were obliged to fund women’s sports the same as men’s sports. The foundational intent was to provide women with similar opportunities to participate in and excel at sports that were previously off limits to them because there weren’t any (or many) such opportunities. 

Title IX was never meant to take away women’s opportunities by allowing biological men to claim them, by claiming to be female. Lia isn’t just a male pretending to be a woman so he can compete with them.

He’s an opportunistic jerk. He is the type of guy who pretends to be handicapped so he can use the parking spots reserved for those who actually are.        

“They protected such a small minority and they turned their back on what Title IX stands for,” Gaines said.   

But Lia isn’t part of any minority, unless white men have suddenly become one. Putting on a women’s bathing suit and tucking your equipment doesn’t make you a woman any more than putting on blackface made Al Jolson an African American. The analogy is apt because the offensiveness is corollary. Both make a mockery of reality; of what it means to be female or black—neither of which you can just take off or put back on whenever it’s convenient.

Or advantageous. 

Lia swims with women because he could not swim competitively with other men. So he took advantage of a weak, woke culture to play the role of a woman and thereby degrade women’s sports. 

“They just eliminated what it [Title IX] stands for,” Tucker explained. “This is cheating, to allow someone with a biological advantage to compete.”   

He’s right. What’s next? Will guys who couldn’t make the cut in the Big Leagues “identify” as 13-year-olds so they can dominate in the Little League World Series?

Maybe even become the next Jill on the Cracker Jack box?  

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