The PoonFang Dossier

Attn: Xi Jinping, General Secretary, Communist Party of China (PRC)

From: Fang Fang, Ministry of State Security (MSS)

Party Comrades, the American website Axios has published an extensive essay on our espionage operations in the United States. According to the essay, “a Chinese national named Fang Fang or Christine Fang, targeted up-and-coming local politicians in the Bay Area and across the country who had the potential to make it big on the national stage.” Since American media have picked up on the story, I want to set the record straight. 

I did indeed operate as the article explains, and my primary target was Representative Eric Swalwell (D-Fla.), formerly a low-level prosecutor, city councilman, and a man of vast ambition who, in fact, ran for president of the United States. I was able to access his organization and help him raise money for his 2014 run for Congress. For the source of these funds, and how they were laundered, I refer you to MSS files.

To my great delight, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) put Rep. Swalwell on the House Intelligence Committee, where he enjoys access to the most sensitive secret information. I refer you to classified MSS files concerning our access to this information, but be assured that Rep. Swalwell was one of our greatest victories. 

As you know, Rep. Swalwell was one of the loudest voices against our Main Enemy, Donald Trump, accusing him of crimes with no evidence whatsoever. On the other hand, Rep. Swalwell has faithfully repeated our propaganda practically word for word, and I find no case where he openly disagreed with our position, criticized our human rights record, and so forth. 

Swalwell has been silent about the sexual relations we indulged, so let me clarify. The man holds a vast conceit of himself, so as the Americans say, getting “next to him” was easy. Rep. Swalwell wanted to perform several acts not fully covered in my original training. These were distasteful, not to say uncomfortable, but on the political side the American was soon doing everything I wanted. The various American mayors I courted were easier conquests, and in time they may also yield considerable benefits.

As the Axios report notes, the American Federal Bureau of Investigation gave Rep. Swalwell a “defensive briefing” in 2015, but long after I safely returned to the homeland. Swalwell remains on the Intelligence Committee where he serves as a valuable asset. He blamed the Axios report on President Trump, which all of us at the MSS found most amusing. 

As I note in my report, the FBI gave a similar briefing to Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), but not before one of our agents had been on her staff for 20 years, sometimes attending consular functions on the senator’s behalf. I agree with the MSS that, aside from Swalwell, Feinstein is our most valuable asset in the American government. To date, Feinstein, Swalwell, and several others have suffered no penalty for enabling our espionage operations and advancing our propaganda. 

As I note in my report, the American FBI and Department of Justice deployed in force against candidate and President Trump, supported by American media. Even when not so occupied, the FBI shows scant desire to stop us. The FBI possessed the laptop of our asset Hunter Biden but failed to produce it when his dealings with our government came to light before the November election. Democrats charged that this was all “Russian disinformation,” which the MSS also found amusing. 

As my report recalls, the Communist Party USA was a creation of Soviet Russia and ran candidates in American elections from the 1920s to 1984, when Gus Hall and Angela Davis served as CPUSA candidates. The PRC needs no such operation, as the Democratic Party serves our purposes well.  

I had no direct role in operations during the American election, which has Hunter Biden’s father positioned to occupy the White House. I agree with MSS leadership that President Biden stands to be our biggest asset as we strive to expand our already considerable influence. 

To that end, I refer Party Comrades to my full report for possible MSS operations under a Biden Administration. Our ultimate victory is ahead of schedule and virtually assured. 

Respectfully,

Fang Fang

About Lloyd Billingsley

Lloyd Billingsley is the author of Hollywood Party and other books including Bill of Writes and Barack ‘em Up: A Literary Investigation. His journalism has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, the Spectator (London) and many other publications. Billingsley serves as a policy fellow with the Independent Institute.

Photo: Kevin Dietsch-Pool/Getty Images

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