Earlier this year, a strange spectacle kept recurring at one of the country’s most popular big box stores.
Costco shoppers across the land wrestled each other for industrial-sized packages of toilet paper; as panic set in about the looming coronavirus pandemic, well-heeled suburbanites quickly depleted the retailers’ nationwide supply of Charmin and Quilted Northern. Even the store’s discount Kirkland brand sold out fast.
It’s unclear exactly why toilet paper topped the list of the COVID-19 survival kit but the scenes were instructive as far as observing upscale suburban women in their natural habitat. The toilet paper rush of 2020 probably started with a few comments at the monthly Bunco game or the ladies’ league liquid lunch or at a bespoke med spa house party.
Soon enough, premium membership card in hand, suburban women cruised their Range Rovers to the nearest Costco ready to fight for their right to a 30-roll pack like it was the last size 4 Veronica Beard camo blazer at Nordstrom. Photos of TP booty were proudly posted on Facebook; the booties of Jacob and Olivia would be safely clean for years to come.
And thus we had a peek into the workings of the hivemind of modern-day suburban moms.
In 2018, the sorority of suburban sisterhood found a common enemy: Donald Trump. Suburban congressional districts from Washington, D.C. and Chicago to Orange County, California flipped from Republican to Democrat, giving Nancy Pelosi enough new members to take back her coveted speaker’s gavel. Like nearly all midterm elections, the outcome was a rebuke of the sitting president. Millions of white suburban women, amid a booming economy and period of international peace, cried “but his tweets!” all the way to their polling places.
High on fumes from their daily doses of “The View” and desperate to mimic the groupthink that easily penetrates their consciousness—a cul de sac consensus they nevertheless describe as “independent thinking”—suburban women succeeded in sending a message to the Bad Orange Man while inflicting the likes of Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) and Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) on the body politic.
In a way, the country owes the Costco Mom a debt of gratitude because she helped to fully expose the depravity of the Left. Had Democrats not won Congress and the governorships of several states, Americans still would be blissfully ignorant about the insidious agenda of the radicalized Democratic Party beholden, as it is, to its most anti-American, anti-capitalist, anti-freedom element.
Major American cities remain occupied by America-hating thugs as Democratic governors and mayors pledge solidarity. The founding fathers are on posthumous trial for “systemic racism” as statues are removed, schools are renamed, and our nation’s imperfect yet glorious history slowly is erased. The police must be defunded; Black Lives Matter more than anyone else’s; looting is reparations. Bend the knee or else. Petty tyrants shutter businesses and schools on a whim as college campuses resemble surveillance states.
Yet even in this dangerously divisive climate, suburban women appear poised once again to give Democrats an edge in the election. According to one recent analysis, 54 percent of white suburban women back Joe Biden versus the 45 percent who are for President Trump. Not a huge chasm but one that might make the difference in battleground states from Pennsylvania to Georgia.
But it’s utterly baffling why any suburban woman, especially a mother, would vote to put Democrats in power. Like him or not, Donald Trump is the only thing standing between the typical suburban lifestyle and the Democratic Party intent on destroying it.
Privileged white families safely ensconced in the suburbs represent everything the Democratic Party detests. And if Democrats capture the White House and the Senate while keeping control of the House of Representatives, they’ll waste no time turning on the very voters who helped put them in power.
Under a Biden-Harris Administration, federal bureaucrats could seize control of local zoning decisions. Central planners—longtime foes of what they view as the banal existence of suburban bourgeois—would seek to recreate the densely-populated dysfunction of the cities that so many suburbanites fled. Mandates to adjust housing, income, employment, and educational disparities could drastically reconfigure American suburbs; federal decrees would supersede local efforts. Suburban residents and leaders would be rendered powerless.
Passage of the Green New Deal will fundamentally and irrevocably destroy the modern economy; even a “lite” version of the proposal will impose astronomical taxes on electricity, gas, food, travel, and yes, toilet paper. Biden scoffed when the president mentioned the Green New Deal’s $100 trillion price tag, but even that might be optimistic. And Biden’s slip-of-the-tongue about transitioning away from the oil industry wasn’t a senior moment, it is the stated goal of every climate activist who will dominate not just the Biden Administration but Congress as well. Climate lockdowns will replace coronavirus lockdowns with far worse consequences.
Critical race theory will be mandated in public schools, and the long-desired reparations paid by white Americans to black Americans won’t settle racial grievances, only deepen them. The borders will be open and illegal immigrants will be entitled to all the benefits of citizenship including voting rights, diminishing the voice of legal citizens. The Supreme Court will expand, the Electoral College will be eliminated, and Washington, D.C. will earn statehood.
Cancel culture will apply to everyone, including children, who step out of line. Business owners will be forced to prove their “woke” cred lest they face the social media mob. Conservative views will be censored by Big Tech. Every young white man will live in fear of being “Kavanaughed.”
The long march to socialism will get a big jump.
That’s just a partial list.
The president is asking—begging?—for suburban women to back him like they did in 2016. “Suburban women are flocking over to us,” he tweeted last week. “They realize that I am saving the Suburbs—the American Dream! I terminated the Regulation that would bring projects and crime to Suburbia. Not on my watch! Biden will bring the Regulation back, but bigger and worse.”
Let’s hope the president is right.
So to my fellow suburban moms: This is legit. Voting for Donald Trump might not be as fashionable as the “Hate Has No Home Here” decal in your front picture window.
But voting for Joe Biden is a vote against your family’s—and your country’s—best interests. If you get this wrong, those toilet paper scrums at Costco might become a routine occurrence.
And if you vote for Trump—I promise I won’t tell.