Great America

What Will AT&T Do When the Suits See What CNN Does to Profits?

An unfair comparison of AT&T CEO John Stankey and Admiral Takijiro Onishi of the Imperial Japanese Navy.

AT&T chief John Stankey is in a position not unlike that of Admiral Takajiro Onishi of the Imperial Japanese Navy.

In case you don’t recall, Admiral Onishi consolidated all Kamikaze activity under his command during World War II.

John Stankey, like Admiral Onishi, commands a consolidated AT&T, which includes Warner Media, whence he sprang, and its subsidiary, CNN.

CNN is run by Jeff “Mother” Zucker, who initiated the concept of journalistic Kamikaze attacks as his signature activity at the former news organization that once commanded a monopoly of global television news.

Stankey, the open-collared Joe Cool from Warner Media, finds himself at dear old buttoned-down AT&T, beset with minor problems like a sliding stock price, loss of customers from DirecTV, and a stockholder revolt if he lowers dividends.

Meanwhile, a lack of attention has led to his underling Banzai Zucker’s launching of waves of Kamikaze attacks on the president.

In the last few days, Zucker has not only catapulted his rotund, sock puppet doppelganger Brian “Macro Me” Stelter into the fray, but also his calorically-challenged pet piranha, April “Macro-She” Ryan. It is a determined, flashy, but utterly futile move against the USS Orange Man Bad. (Counterproductive comes to mind).

Like Admiral Onishi, John Stankey must be proud of his distant subordinates crashing into things and leaving only great smoking holes for their efforts.

First, Stelter, whose reptilian grin is well-matched to his reptilian brainpower, managed not only to shade the truth but to eclipse it completely.

This “media critic” (CNN shorthand for “Mall Rat Opportunist Turned Moonbat Propagandist”) somehow decided the rumor that Joe Biden doesn’t want to debate the president came from right-wing sources.

This is the height of lunacy!

Even a dunderhead like Stelter should know that everyone on the Right is looking forward to POTUS debating Biden, with the same focused anticipation as a seasoned trap shooter with his $150,000 Purdy 12-gauge shotgun awaiting the first clay pigeon. And the instantaneous disintegration that follows.

Perhaps Stelter could learn the keyword: “Pull!”

Contemporaneously, his female counterpart, April Ryan—former disc jockey, radio personality, and stupendous hypocrite—most noted for violence against journalists not seen since the Dragon Lady left the comic strips, proceeded on an illogical, vapid and completely baseless rant about POTUS being removed post-election by armed forces.

Meanwhile back in Dallas, one wonders if John Stankey, like Admiral Onishi before him, has any idea what’s going on.

He must know that CNN is part of the AT&T Empire. Does he know that some CNN folks are, like a vast horde of termites, eating up the credibility and profitability that could be achieved if CNN were actually a news organization?

It might be noted that Admiral Onishi realized his blunders too late, and showed his regret to the emperor by not using a kaishakunin.

What will John Stankey do when AT&T stockholders blame him for CNN’s cratering of the company’s overall profitability? Or God forbid, cutting the dividend?

Easy choice: “Mother” Zucker or 52 cents a share?