CHAZ, My Azz!

So Antifa Communists have taken over several blocks of Seattle. Let them have it. Let them be autonomous. Good and hard.

Step 1: The battle against the Antifa Communists is on TV and social media, not on the ground. Maybe Mayor Jenny doesn’t understand this as well as she thinks.  

The Antifa Communist target audiences are the people they think are disenfranchised, plus a mélange of leftists, far-leftists, Stalinists, and an occasional carrier of Mao’s Little Red Book. 

In this televised battle, the point is to generate an ignominious defeat of Antifa’s ideals for Antifa’s target audience to see, in their own cultural terms.

Step 2: Find several disillusioned former Antifa members who are telegenic to the Antifa Communist target audience, and who can speak well on their feet. How hard can that be? Low-information leftists seem to think “Antifa” means anyone who is “against Nazis” is anti-fascist. Well . . . sure. But they don’t seem to understand that honest-to-goodness Antifa are Communists and violence is a feature, not a bug.   

Just outside the CHAZ-defined boundary, equip these former Antifa members with a gigantic public address system, an elevated platform with a Jumbotron background, dramatic lighting, and an individual IFB for each speaker. (Anybody who said this would be a fair fight has never won one.)

Step 3: Use the public address system to declare to the Antifa Communists and their useful idiots in CHAZ  that “autonomous” means self-governing, independent, and subject to its own laws only. As proof, the U.S. government will give them their wish—autonomy!

Upon acknowledgment from any of the Antifa Communist leaders—a head nod, caught on camera and emblazoned on the Jumbotron, will do—announce that the autonomous zone of CHAZ will be respected!

The monster public-address system will then put forth the following message: “Passage into CHAZ, however, will be restricted to Red Cross observers and credentialed media, until CHAZ passports are recognized.”

“Anyone in CHAZ wishing to exit may do so freely until sunset. At sundown, anyone attempting passage will be asked by the United States to present ID, be fingerprinted, de-loused, and checked for COVID-19. Anyone with lice will be quarantined, anyone with COVID-19 will be quarantined. Anyone with an open warrant will be arrested. Anyone not a U.S. citizen will be detained and processed.” 

Step 4: At sundown another announcement: “We will now ensure that CHAZ autonomy will be guaranteed!” 

With that, the battle cry “Let’s go!” thunders from the darkness as the entire 325th Airborne Infantry Regiment, 82nd Airborne Division, in battle dress with rifles and fixed bayonets double-times from all directions to cordon the perimeter. 

Shortly thereafter, another announcement will be made: “In order for CHAZ to prove its autonomy to the world, we will now provide them with the opportunity to generate their own electricity, manifest their own cell phone and Internet communications, grow their own food and furnish a public water supply.”   

With that, CHAZ goes dark and incommunicado.

Then the huge PA system begins blaring Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop Thinkin’ About Tomorrow.”

On the Jumbotron, infrared video displays laser dots on armed individuals inside CHAZ, each with his own drone invisible in the night sky overhead.

Step 5: Should there be complaints, a duly elected CHAZ official would be respectfully brought to the elevated platform and where he can freely make his case. 

“We want water!”

“Here it is. Buy it. Cash.” 

“We don’t have it.”

“You are autonomous. You must have cash.”

“We want food!”

“Here it is. Buy it. Cash.” 

“It is the people’s food!” 

The people’s food? Are you saying that CHAZ is a collectivist commune?”

“Yes!”

Are you saying that the individual people of CHAZ do not own land, factories, machinery but the CHAZ community does and will share that wealth equally?

“Yes!” 

“Then sir, you are a Communist. Here is a cell phone that works. Would you care to call Premier Xi for help? Or perhaps you already have. Try calling Raoul Castro, I’m sure he will send you sugar and cigars right away.”

CHAZ won’t last long.

About Chuck de Caro

Chuck de Caro is a contributor to American Greatness. He was CNN's very first Special Assignments Correspondent. Educated at Marion Military Institute and the U.S. Air Force Academy, he later served with the 20th Special Forces Group (Airborne). He has taught information warfare (SOFTWAR) at the National Defense University and the National Intelligence University. He was an outside consultant for the Pentagon’s Office of Net Assessment for 25 years. A pilot since he was 17, he is currently working on a book about the World War I efforts of Fiorello La Guardia, Giulio Douhet, and Gianni Caproni, which led directly to today’s U.S. Air Force Global Strike Command.

Photo: Jason Redmond/AFP via Getty Images

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