Great America

Sedition, Looters, Bambi Buckets and Phos-Chek

What the police need is a non-lethal weapon that separates the real protestors from the criminals and anarchists. Perhaps the forest service can.

It seems that the current unpleasantness in the streets of mostly Democrat-controlled cities has less to do with the unjust demise of a black man named George Floyd, than with the serendipitous smoke screen it has created for two nefarious groups hiding behind genuine peaceful protestors.

Protestors have every right to demonstrate against the appearance of blatant police brutality. The other two groups—common criminals bent on looting and vandalism and Antifa anarchists bent on flat-out sedition—must be quickly suppressed, tried, convicted, and imprisoned.

Rather obviously, they are coordinated (and likely funded) by parties not present on the streets.

Any measure of police tactics, other than standing in a line and being abused by the crowds, instantly produces an isolated video clip of an officer using a baton (police brutality!) or tear gas (police brutality!) or bean bag rounds (police brutality!).

What the police need, then, is a nonlethal weapon that separates the real protestors from the criminals and anarchists. Something that makes the teenagers, college kids, and do-gooders quit and go home. But something that would not immediately deter a looter from attempting one last smash-and-grab, or an Antifa anarchist viscerally set on sedition from preparing to ignite another arson fire.

Wait for it.

A bit of creativity is in order: Federal and state governments have such devices but they don’t belong to law enforcement. They belong to departments of agriculture (i.e. the forest service).

The tools are called Bambi Bucket and Phos-Chek. The Bambi Bucket is a collapsible fabric cylinder which, depending on size, holds 72 to 2,600 gallons. It hangs on a long cable from a variety of helicopters and can be refilled by lowering it into a lake, river, pond, or even a swimming pool. The idea is to be able to put out small wildfires right away, from any nearby water source.

Phos-Chek is a fire suppression “goop” made of ammonium polyphosphate, diammonium phosphate, diammonium sulfate, monoammonium phosphate, attapulgus clay and guar gum.

The phosphates and sulfates suppress wood fires; the clay and gum make the slurry sticky . . . really sticky. And one more thing, it can be dyed any color, but hot pink seems to be most in style. Did I mention that Phos-Chek is also a dandy fertilizer?

Now, imagine a street fire of trash cans set alight, or a blazing police car surrounded by a mob. 

Upon warning to disperse so that the fire might be extinguished, the first Bambi Bucket-load of plain water is dropped on the fire and collaterally on the mob, like a sudden cloudburst. And then in rapid succession, another. And another. Most actual protestors, soggy and cold, will quit and go home. (Don’t believe me? New York City police on Wednesday night were preparing to arrest a large group of protestors when the rain began to pour. Many decided to leave rather than get soaked and spend a night in jail.)

Time now to switch to Phos-Chek to make sure the fire is out.

The criminals, wet but undeterred, will attempt to loot one last store. And sploosh! They are now instantly dyed pink and smell like manure. Explain that to police at the perimeter.

Same for the Antifa drones bent on sedition, like the ones in Lafayette Park who attacked Secret Service officers last week.

And now for the media. Imagine Don Lemon reporting from the scene covered in pink goo, trying to keep a straight face as he interviews an equally Phos-Chek’d looter or Antifa thug.

Fire suppression anybody?