In a blockbuster first, B.S. News virtuously presents a public service announcement, because never have the stakes been greater for your betters.
During the COVID-19 pandemic governmental lockdowns, it is easy to forget the victims of another governmental fiat. But U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) can never forget these victims. Thanks to the Speaker’s limitless compassion for the up-trodden, House Democrats recently passed the Health and Economic Recovery Omnibus Emergency Solutions (HEROES) Act. Using the pandemic as a pretext, House Democrats pushed for this state bailout boondoggle that lifted the federal cap on state and local tax deductions in 2020 and 2021.
It’s a great leap forward in protecting America’s latest endangered feces: Limousine Liberals.
This category of Democratic voter has been deeply hurt by the disastrous economic boom spawned by the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017. That “give away to the rich” evidently left out the Limousine Liberals. The law’s $10,000 cap on federal tax deductions for state and local taxes (SALT) has devastated this protected upper class—i.e., the Limousine Liberals living in gated communities to protect them from you and the consequences of their ideology. Per the Tax Policy Center:
High-income households are more likely than low- or moderate-income households to benefit from the SALT deduction . . . About 11 percent of tax filers with incomes less than $50,000 claimed the SALT deduction in 2016, compared with about 80 percent of tax filers with incomes exceeding $100,000. The latter group, which made up about 17 percent of tax filers, accounted for about 77 percent of the total dollar amount of SALT deductions reported. The average claim in this group was about $21,000.
This patent social injustice foisted upon your social superiors must end before it’s too late!
Absent low-tax states’ residents subsidizing their appetite for big government, Limousine Liberals can no longer completely rob Peter (the federal government) to pay Paul (their state governments). They must—brace yourself—actually pay more federal taxes. While you have long been told paying more taxes is something Limousine Liberals yearn to do, their true goal may well be too nuanced for you lowbrows to grasp.
Evidently, Limousine Liberals practice the fiscal theory of “misery loves company,” whereby the progressive upper crust will only pay more in taxes if everybody else does (i.e., you). This should have been apparent from the dearth of Limousine Liberals’ voluntary contributions to the federal treasury to “pay their fair share.” But your naiveté, ignorance, and selfish lust for lower taxes and prosperity are no excuse for the horrors thrust upon these progressive peers of the realm.
Indeed, the GOP’s 2018 perversion of the progressive income tax to make the rich pay more has spurred a diaspora of Limousine Liberals fleeing to low-tax red states, where they are forced to live amongst dirty, unwashed deplorables. True, this migration of rich progressives could prove these red states’ salvation, thanks to the Limousine Liberals importing their progressive ideology to enlighten the benighted masses. This cohabitation with their social lessers, however, may endanger the Limousine Liberals’ progressive ideological commitment by exposing them to common sense, lower taxes, and good government.
Thus, even though the provision capping SALT deductions expires in 2025, being a Limousine Liberal herself, Pelosi knows the stakes are too great to take even this minuscule risk. She is well versed in how challenging it is to remain blissfully ignorant of leftist hypocrisy. What if—goddess Gaia forfend!—prolonged contamination from red state reactionaries caused the cognitive dissonance of Limousine Liberals to erode? Would the ideological imbecility and hypocrisy of Limousine Liberals go the way of the dodo? Could anyone put a price on the loss to our global village if Limousine Liberals failed in their self-appointed mission to fundamentally transform America?
Nancy Pelosi did.
Ever a healer (ward or otherwise), Pelosi has fashioned an equitable remedy by courageously embracing the hypocrisy to propose the two-year federal tax cut for the economically ravaged Limousine Liberals. What happens after those two years is anyone’s guess.
What happens before that? The massive tax hikes by big government-loving, locked-down blue states expected after the COVID-19 pandemic—hikes that are likely to come in these long-identified fiscal disaster areas even with a federal bailout. Now try to imagine the unfairness of Limousine Liberals being compelled to sacrifice for the common good of their high-tax blue states without low-tax red states footing part of the bill. It isn’t a pretty picture.
This is where you come in.
For only a few dollars per day, Speaker Pelosi’s HEROES Act affords only you—greedy, fascist, racist, red-state reprobate, you—the responsibility to save the endangered Limousine Liberals. Only you, by rejecting your selfishness, can embrace Pelosi’s holistic hypocrisy and save the Limousine Liberals with a federal tax cut for them and a tax hike for you—all for their own common good, mind you. Only you, by rejecting your enviousness, can confirm that, when it comes to inequitable taxation, deplorables are truly “alone together.”
Your betters accept in advance your compliant contribution. Stay home, stay safe, and save the Limousine Liberals!
© B.S. News 2020