Great America

Banzai Yet Again! Zucker Taps John Harwood as His Newest Kamikaze

CNN’s president adds a progressive hack to his diverse lineup of miscreants, liars, hotheads, dingbats, and drunks.

Leave it to Jeff ”Mother” Zucker, CNN’s diminutive but ovoid president, to follow in the footsteps of Captain Motoharu Okamura of the Imperial Japanese Navy. Analogous to Okamura, Zucker is the mother of the corps of journalistic kamikazes willing to crash and burn at his beckoning! Zucker, like Okamura, is a hiring genius.

Look at the roster that the Divine Windbag has mustered into his menagerie: A billionaire’s kid who, while drinking on the air, developed a foul mouth and talked about his recently deceased mother’s past sexual exploits; a governor’s brother whose very image and name imply ineptness; an “anchor” who gets sued for assault in a homosexually charged and racially tinged incident at a New York bar; a cashiered ex-FBI nebbish who was fired from the bureau for “lack of candor”; and an alleged “reporter” so clumsy that CNN had to publicly retract his “exclusive” Wikileaks story.

Wow! Talk about Zucker’s personal crusade for diversity at CNN: Miscreants, Liars, Hotheads, Dingbats, and Drunks!

But wait! There’s more! Mother Zucker has provided equal opportunity for another would-be symbol of diversity: A progressive hack!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Zuck has hired John “Let-me-help-Hillary’s-campaign-while-masquerading-as-a-reporter” Harwood, the guy who scuttled the 2016 Republican National Committee and NBC debate series with a completely over-the-top bias as a “moderator.” Harwood was later discovered to have emailed the DNC for advice on questioning Republican candidates. 

Now get this: Harwood is now showboat Jim Acosta’s desk mate at the CNN White House bureau.

Oh, boy! Imagine this: Harwood and Acosta in an ego-driven shouting match, shoving each other while trying to expose their tonsils:

 “Mr. President! How do you sleep at night?”

 “No, Jim! I asked first! MR. PRESIDENT HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?”

 “No, John! I asked first! I’ll tell Mother on you!”

 “Oh, yeah?”

 “Yeah!”

The president, perplexed at the very vocal badinage then might sigh and interject: “Now, now, boys . . . Just go tell your boss, Little Jeffie, that the answer is: Naked. With a supermodel. Next question?”

The sight of two CNN loudmouths outdoing one another for the worst question may not be what Zucker had in mind.

But you never know, it could get worse: He could re-hire Candy Crowley and April Oliver.

Nick Papananias/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images (left); Clint Spaulding/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images (right)

Or he could really go for the Really Big Ratings: He could hire his buddy Harvey Weinstein, who is currently out of work and could certainly use a job between court appearances. In such a manner, the Zuck could add another notch to his diversity agenda with the first “helpless victim of the #MeToo bullies.” That’s guaranteed to boost CNN’s ratings. Once.

And as a co-host for Harvey, Zucker could check with his estranged wife, Caryn Zucker, who is buddies with the late pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s BFF, Ghislaine Maxwell. Just sayin’.

Meanwhile, the Zuck and his boys will continue their journalistic cries of “Banzai!” However, their bosses at blue-chip AT&T might be thinking, “Sayonara, Mother Zucker.”

Editor’s note: This article has been updated.