She’s Baaack!

Hillary Clinton is on another listening tour, and you know what that means.

It may look like she’s only out hyping her new book, but Hillary’s real modus operandi never changes: She gets her hair done, packs some extra-large pant suits, and takes off to listen for her favorite sound—cha-ching!cha-ching!

With Bernie Sanders last seen in an ambulance and none of their other 2020 candidates looking like a proven national vote getter, it’s easy to imagine desperate Democrats turning to the former First Lady and two-time loser to save the party from a disaster she helped to create.

But when Hillary Clinton is the solution to your problems, your real problem might be problem solving itself.

If she does get in the race, Hillary will need a lot of money. At the moment that’s an issue, since many of the benefactors who were there for her in the past, are spread thin or—like Hollywood movie mogul Harvey Weinstein—sidelined by the #MeToo movement.

So until the field narrows and more funds are available Hillary’s working her blue-state base in community centers, churches, and lesbian bookstores while her publisher picks up the tab.

It has to feel a little like old times to the aging grifter. In 2000, she listened her way through every county in the state of New York to win a seat in the Senate. In 2008, she tried the same thing in her first run for the White House.

Even though Barack Obama proved to be the better con artist that year, Hillary was the first to cash in, turning her job as Obama’s secretary of state into the most lucrative pay-to-play operation Washington’s ever seen.

That’s one reason she lost the 2016 election to Donald Trump. Another was the fact that too many voters, for obvious reasons, found her “cold,” “aloof,” and “untrustworthy.”

This time things will be different, a familiar refrain whenever the Clintons are up to something. Hillary and her handlers have decided the voting public should be reminded she’s a caring mother and grandmother, with the reminding provided by her 39-year-old daughter Chelsea.

“I’m so grateful not only that she’s my role model, but that she’s my mom,” Chelsea told Jane Pauley on CBS Sunday Morning. “My kids are going to grow up in a world, I believe, that’s immeasurably better because of her gutsiness.”

Expect to hear about “gutsiness” frequently in the months ahead whenever Hillary or those close to her talk about her incredible commitment to doing what’s right.

And this is why she and Chelsea wrote a book together (or at least saw the page proofs before they went to the printer). It’s called The Book of Gutsy Women: Favorite Stories of Courage and Resilience. The book is said to contain uplifting profiles of women and girls from civil rights pioneer Harriet Tubman to Greta Thunberg, the teenage climate alarmist from Village of the Damned.

All the key words in the title are qualities Hillary pretends to have, especially “courage.” When, in reality, if she had been either courageous or gutsy, Hillary, the country’s most cheated on woman, would have divorced her philandering husband years ago.

“I think the gutsiest thing I’ve ever done [is] to stay in my marriage,” she said on Good Morning America.

Actually, staying married to Bill and preserving the Clinton brand was the most calculating thing Hillary ever did. She realized she could never succeed in politics as the ex-wife of a former president. Now after years of make believe the Clintons may be through as a husband-and-wife act. Promoters couldn’t give away tickets to their recently failed “Evening With…” tour.

Here’s ticket-seller StubHub’s take on the comparative crowd appeal of individual Clintons:

When people get their tickets to see Bill Clinton take to the stage and speak, that’s exactly who they want to see: Bill Clinton. While Hillary and Chelsea are both important figures in their own rights on the national stage, Bill Clinton is a huge draw for politicos … or simply those who want to know more about…what he’s up to these days.

Hillary has always needed a supporting cast. But with Bill still mourning the death of procurer-to-the-stars Jeffrey Epstein, Hillary’s bringing Chelsea along to listen with her and do mother-daughter interviews.

The one they did a week ago with Pauley opened near a statue of Eleanor Roosevelt in New York’s Riverside Park. Hillary’s famous predecessor has been an otherworldly source of advice since the 1990s. Bill confirmed a few years ago that Hillary still communes “with Eleanor on a regular basis.”

The two First Ladies must have plenty to talk about, like being liberal do-gooders married to charmers with other women on the side. Something Hillary’s now using to sell books and leverage a third try for the White House.

It’s her last sales pitch—and the only one she’s never used: If she could stay with Bill Clinton, through all the cheating, stealing and lying, she deserves to be president.

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About Bill Thomas

Bill Thomas is the author of Club Fed: Power, Money Sex and Violence on Capitol Hill as well as other books, and the co-author of Red Tape: Adventure Capitalism in the New Russia. He is also a former editor and writer with The Economist Group.

Photo: Spencer Platt/Getty Images

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