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Great America

How to ‘Inconvenience’ Walmart’s ‘Semi-Woke’ CEO

A friendly boycott of the Walmart triffids.


- September 10th, 2019
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Walmart is too good a resource for many Americans to commit to a boycott of its 4,759 stores, which have sprung up across our country like triffids: Those plants from science fiction that seemed initially beneficial, apparently benign, but eventually . . . maybe not so good.

For those of us who feel we have been “dealt with” by the Keeper of the Triffids—a capricious, high-handed, and heretofore barely known corporate executive named Doug “Semi-Woke” McMillon, who single handedly decided to “inconvenience” many Walmart shoppers by banning .223-caliber rifle ammunition, all pistol ammunition, and the legal open carry of sidearms—perhaps there is a way we can return the “inconvenience” right back to McMillon with an unusual kind of boycott.

Buy more Walmart. But only buy the Walmart store brands on which they have razor-thin profit margins. Ignore Coca-Cola, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Campbell Soup, Hostess Twinkies, and anything else with a brand name.

Walmart’s own brands include: Great Value, Equate, Marketside, Sam’s Choice, George, Terra & Sky, Time and True, Wonder Nation, Athletic Works, Brahma, EV1, No Boundaries, Secret Treasures, Special Kitty, Play Day, Pen+Gear, Homelines, Hometrends, Mainstay Kids, Your Zone, Adventure Force, Mainstays, Ol’ Roy, Parent’s Choice, Allswell, AutoDrive, Backyard Grill, Best Occasions, Blackweb, Clear American, Co Squared, Colorplace, Douglas, EverStart, Fire Side Gourmet, Holiday Time, Hyper Tough, Kid Connection, Mash Up Coffee, Oak Leaf, ONN, Overpowered, Ozark Trail, Price First, Protege, ReliOn, Super Tech, Tasty, The Office, Unique J, Walmart Family Mobile, and World Table.

By doing so, there will be an erosion of Walmart profitability, which might upset the stockholders (the majority of whom are the surviving members of the Walton Family).

Oh! Just one more thing: When buying any of the Walmart store brands, don’t buy anything that is marked “Made in China.” 

Why?

Because Walmart is “de-Americanizing” itself and is apparently attempting to drag us all along with it. Don’t believe me? 

Next time you walk into founder Sam Walton’s All-American store, stop at the front doors. Look up. 

Do you see the bright five-pointed American star between “Wal” and “Mart”? 

Tim Boyle/Getty Images

Nope. Not anymore. Ever wonder why?

Political correctness.

Oh, no! We mustn’t perturb the Chinese, Mexicans, Canadians and God knows who else with an American star! 

Nope, we’ll adopt a kumbaya sunburst! Isn’t that so cute? Not American, but cute. (Note, however, the uncanny resemblance to the science-fiction triffid.)

Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images

So if you would like to inconvenience “Semi-Woke” McMillon, you can do so by buying only Walmart brands, but not any made in China.

If you don’t know for sure, just flip over the box and look for the words “Made in China” and then mentally add “by Communist Chinese child slave labor expressly designed to weaken U.S. markets over time.” It’s a strategy dictated by the book, Unrestricted Warfare, written by Colonels Wang Xiangsui and Qiao Liang of the People’s Liberation Army of China. 

Unrestricted Warfare is an annoying read because the translation is stilted, but your hair will still be on fire when you are done with it, as you will realize that it should have been called China’s Slow-Motion But Lethal War Against the United States.

The reality is, your friendly local, formerly “Buy American” Walmart, under the naïve and politically correct Doug “Semi-Woke” McMillon, may be, through the importation of so much Chinese stuff, a completely innocent and unwitting tool of long-term Communist Chinese expansion. 

“Useful idiot,” was how Vladimir Lenin characterized the type a century ago.

By the way, absolute gun control is a big deal in China: Can’t have those folks in Tiananmen Square shooting back at the oppressive People’s “Liberation” Army, can we?

Especially ironic is the bittersweet fact that in his autobiography, Made in America, Sam Walton (who died in 1992) documented doing his level best to find American manufacturers who could fill his stores.

In effect, “Semi-Woke” McMillon, in his myopic if not miasmic gyre, is using his Walmarts like Triffids: Eventually they will erode all the good they might have done, by helping to spread ideas that have been un-American since our ancestors waged the Revolutionary War to guarantee life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and then wrote the Second Amendment to make sure it stayed that way.

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