The movie “Downfall” is best known for a scene where a distraught Hitler learns from his loyalists that the war is lost. This scene has spawned an endless series of YouTube parodies as Hitler “responds” to modern-day events. It’s an angry and distressed Hitler who learns that Barack Obama won the election, that Obamacare will not permit him to keep his doctor, and that Donald Trump was elected president.
Bruno Ganz, the actor who brought Hitler to life in the movie, died in February. His ersatz Hitler, commenting on today’s important issues, kept us entertained. Now that Ganz is gone, an ersatz media will do what they can to emulate Der Führer. But can the likes of Jim Acosta and Rachel Maddow really fill the void?
Thankfully, we won’t have to find out. Through the wonders of modern technology, the real Hitler has emerged, rested and ready to provide us with his insights. Not surprisingly, he’s very unhappy about the many Hitler impersonators, speaking in his name.
This is not how I planned it. I was supposed to be Chancellor of the World. Instead . . . here I am. Where? Definitely not Argentina. From here, even Venezuela looks pretty good. But one thing I can tell you: It’s as hot as advertised. But it’s a dry heat.
The good news is I’m not alone. Many kindred spirits are here with me. It’s true what they say. There is a special place here for me and for Goebbels, and Goering, and Himmler. And for newcomers like Osama bin Laden and Fidel Castro. Oh, I can’t forget Comrade Stalin. He may have won, but winning isn’t everything. And just for the record, he would never have won if not for the verdammt Russian winter.
But what I really can’t stand is seeing others profit from my likeness and my name. There was that Communist, Chaplin, who had the nerve to call himself “The Great Dictator.” And that Jew, mocking me with “Springtime for Hitler”!
And those stupid videos. Only a dummkopf would bother with such nonsense. Though I’ll admit, the one about Harvey Weinstein was pretty funny.
Sure, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But genug! From now on, I’m doing the talking. And there’s so much to talk about. I never thought I’d live to see to the day—OK I didn’t really—but who could have believed that American soldiers would still be in Germany? Or that anyone would still be keeping up with the Kardashians.
Worst of all is what’s happening to my beloved Deutschland. I was trying to create a Master Race. And now the vaterland is swarming with foreigners who wouldn’t know a bratwurst from a sauerbraten.
And you think it doesn’t hurt me when I hear America called the one superpower? It could have been me. It should have been me!
But now, America, of all places, is giving me hope. I actually feel re-Jewvenated. Get it?
Because, you know, first I came for the Jews. Before the Czechs, before the Poles, first I came for the Jews. But then that Jew-lover Roosevelt, he came for me. The next thing you know I’m kaput. Or, as the Americans say, I bought the bunker.
So who would think that the day would come when Democrats, the party of Roosevelt, would first come for the Jews. Yes it’s true. Democrats are now the party of Jew-haters. It’s Democrats who elected two raging anti-Semites to the Congress. Elected mind you. I had to burn down the Reichstag to get my way. Democrats simply elected them.
And what do these women do? First, they come for the Jews. Immediately, they accuse the Jews of having a dual loyalty.
“I want to talk about the political influence in this country that says it is okay for people to push for allegiance to a foreign country.” Ilhan Omar really said that.
She got some criticism, but she wasn’t deterred. She just kept talking. “I should not be expected to have allegiance/pledge support to a foreign country in order to serve my country.”
I tell you, this is music, sweeter than Wagner, to my ears.
And let’s face it, Omar got her talking points from me. I used the dual loyalty card to perfection. I always said the Jews stabbed us in the back, and made us lose the war. So it would have been nice if she had taken just a minute to give me a little shout-out. But that’s okay. I’ll accept what Pelosi said about her. “I think she has a different experience in the use of words.” It’s still flattering to know she’s using my tactics.
She also used the Jewish money angle. If she asked―and she didn’t―I would have told her to do exactly the same thing.
“It’s all about the Benjamins baby,” is how she put it. Not since my good friend Heinrich Ford has anyone so prominent been saying such things about the Jews. Ford could have made a difference. But in the end, he cared too much about that farshtunken Model T.
What really surprises me is how this Omar woman knows about all this. I’d like to think that she’s been busy reading Mein Kampf and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, but I don’t want to kid myself. No one reads these classics anymore. You’d sooner find someone reading Hillary Clinton’s last book.
No matter. She’s following the script to the letter. And that also goes for that other woman, Rashida Tlaib. First she came for . . . well, Donald Trump actually. OK, she deviated from the script a little when she cursed out America’s president. I must say that was a wonderful moment. Still, I can’t understand how such a thing can happen. In Deutschland, the SS had ways of making people not say things like that about me. Not that anyone would have said such a thing.
Anyway, after her Trump comment, she lashed out at American Jews for being supportive of Israel. “They forgot what country they represent,” is how she phrased it.
Very impressive! Even more so because she forgot what country her dress represents. Yes, true story. Rather than picking up something at Walmart, she makes a big deal about wearing a dress worn by women in some foreign country. This is like me driving around Berlin in a Chevrolet. The Jews call this chutzpah.
But it’s exactly this attitude and her long history of associating with well-known anti-Semites and anti-Jewish causes that makes her so special. If I could, I wouldn’t replace her even with Martin Bormann. Of course, I can’t. He’s here. Just down the hall.
Most importantly, her words hit the mark. Some Republican senator immediately responded with “This ‘dual loyalty’ canard is a typical anti-Semitic line.”
Exactly! That’s the point!
You know how it goes. A Republican here and a Republican there will offer some criticism. But everyone else―the entire Democratic Party and their media acolytes―go into full Neville Chamberlain mode. And you remember how well that worked out?
The best thing about these women is how their words get right to the point. And I know a thing or two about words. I had the volk mesmerized by my every word. But even I could never speak 140 characters at a time like these women. Das ist verrückt! I would never have allowed that.
So I give them a lot of credit. Especially that Omar. I envy how she thinks. If only I had been able to see things the way she does, I might have skipped the cyanide and gone straight to my trial. They would go on and on about the carnage in Europe, and they’d show pictures of the death camps, with the remains of the millions of Jews, who were gassed and incinerated.
But when it was my turn to speak, I would have calmly replied: “Some people did something.”
I might have ended up in Argentina after all.
Editor’s Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed above belong solely to Hitler, and do not necessarily reflect views, thoughts, and opinions of American Greatness.
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