44 Men and Women . . . and a Baby

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In the 1987 movie, “Three Men and a Baby,” three carefree bachelors who find a baby on their doorstep don’t hesitate to give that baby the care it needs to thrive.

But today, what happens when 44 men and women are asked to declare that a newborn baby—found not on a doorstep, but delivered “accidentally” in a medical facility after a failed abortion attempt—must be given the necessary care from a healthcare practitioner? The 44 men and women—all of them Democrats in the U.S. Senate—refused to make this declaration, and essentially authorized healthcare practitioners to withhold basic care from newborns until the babies die of neglect.

The bachelors of “Three Men and a Baby” knew that the first order of business was to take care of the child. If ever there was an OMG moment, this was it. When it came to baby-caring procedures, these guys were clueless. Nevertheless, it was a no-brainer. What choice did they have? They could not just let the baby die of neglect.

But 44 Senate Democrats, including every senator now declared to be running for president, refused to vote for a bill that would have required “health care practitioners” to provide a living and breathing newborn with “the proper degree of care.”

OMG indeed! Who wouldn’t vote for this? It ought to have been a no-brainer even for clueless Senate Democrats. A health care practitioner has no other choice but to care for the baby. Well, there is one other choice. It’s the “I-word.” By rejecting basic human decency, these 44 senators voted to sanction infanticide in cases where abortion was intended.

First, they came for the babies. Those “certain” unalienable rights—including, above all, life—don’t seem so certain anymore.

With their 44 votes, “progressive” Democrats have made a sharp U-turn all the way back to the child sacrifice rituals of the Aztecs. Those barbarians sacrificed their babies to beseech the gods. Democrats, and fellow-traveling socialists, sacrifice babies to appease their fanatic base—and to follow the money. As one of their up-and-coming luminaries stated in another context, “It’s all about the Benjamins” that flow between the likes of Planned Parenthood, NARAL, and the campaign coffers of these Senate Democrats.

After the “Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act” debacle, is there anything about which Americans still can agree? Sure. There’s always “baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet.”

This enduring catchphrase—intended to unload lots of Chevys—actually conveys an important message. It helps us all come together around things that are quintessentially American. Julie Andrews, as the Austrian Maria von Trapp, sang about raindrops on roses and schnitzel with noodles. But baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet . . . these are a few of our favorite things.

Now would be a propitious time for the Senate to enact the “Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie, and Chevrolet Act.” But how would the Senate 44 react to a bill that states very simply: “America loves Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie, and Chevrolet?”

Typically, this type of feel-good bill is passed unanimously on a voice vote. So it should be no problem to get these Senators to sign on to it. Certainly, the sentiment is without controversy.

Well, maybe just a little controversy here and there.

Singling out baseball would not be prudent for the many Senators whose states have football and basketball teams. It just wouldn’t be a good look for a party that’s all-in on “inclusion.”

No telling what voting Yea on this bill would do to Kamala Harris’s chances. Undoubtedly, she fears offending Rams and Lakers fans? Amy Klobuchar’s support for this bill would, most likely, send thousands of frantic Vikings and Timberwolves supporters to safe spaces. With Vermont having no professional teams, Bernie Sanders would have no dog in this fight, but he’d vote against the bill anyway, calling it an affront to soccer, to which he took a strong liking years ago when honeymooning in the Soviet Union.

And then there’s the little matter of the “National Anthem.” It’s an integral part of every baseball game. How would it look if these Democrats indicated support for a pastime that urges all those in attendance to stand and salute the flag? Their base would erupt, and they’d have to contend with all those fatuous Colin Kaepernick tweets.

OK, a modified bill stating “America loves Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Chevrolet” would be just fine.

Actually, there are serious issues with hot dogs. Too many nitrates, let’s face it. And of course, there’s the obvious slight to hamburgers and pizza. Much more egregious is how this bill displays a stunning culinary insensitivity to other forms of cuisine developed without the benefit of white privilege.

And vegans. Let’s not forget about this important Democratic Party constituency. Vegans would be horrified. To them, this bill would be a constant reminder of the ongoing slaughter of cows and pigs.

Realizing that a shout-out to hot dogs would increase the demand for cows and pigs, AOC types would be apoplectic. All those emissions! Leaves a bad taste when it comes to implementing Green New Deal policies.

So that leaves “America loves Apple Pie and Chevrolet.” Not too shabby.

Except that apple pie is loaded with gluten, which has fallen into disfavor among yet another vital Democratic constituency. For these gluten-free enthusiasts, hearing Democrats advocate for apple pie would, no doubt, get their bowels in an uproar.

To make matters worse, many people add a scoop of ice cream to apple pie, something that the lactose intolerant couldn’t tolerate. It would be unseemly for Democrats to ignore their plight. Only Bernie Sanders could support the bill, but it would have to include a Ben and Jerry mandate, designating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, produced in Vermont, as the only ice cream in America that could be eaten with apple pie.

You can’t always get what you want. “America loves Chevrolet” would still be a laudable effort.

I know what you’re thinking. It wouldn’t be fair. But there is a definite precedent for promoting one auto manufacturer over another, and specifically Chevrolet.

It wasn’t that many years ago when President Obama was singing the praises of Chevrolet for producing the Volt, an electric vehicle. “When I’m not president anymore, I’ll buy one and drive it myself.”

Let’s hope that in the last couple of years, Obama got around to buying a Volt. If not, it’s too late. Chevrolet recently discontinued the model, because no one, other than Obama, was interested in buying one. It turns out that the majority of Chevrolet’s sales and profits come from gas-guzzling SUVs and trucks. What are the chances of getting Democrat votes for this climate change-inducing entity?

Unfortunately, it’s clear that this bill will join the protecting-baby bill, and die in the Senate. Perhaps that’s fitting. After all, Democrats have proven that death becomes them.

To avoid being tagged with the “Death Lover” moniker, expect Democrats to rush out a bill, showing their deep allegiance to America. All 47 senators who caucus with the Democrats would proudly hail a bill proclaiming “America loves . . . something.”

As the hordes of Democratic presidential candidates begin to campaign, you might be tempted—if you’re partial to carnival freak shows—to drop by a campaign event. If you go, don’t expect hot dogs or apple pie. So it’s best to BYO.

And if you’re pregnant, and your baby’s due date is approaching—stay home!

Photo credit: iStock/Getty Images

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About Steve Lipman

Steve Lipman is a writer in Los Angeles whose irreverent approach to the serious issues of the day goes where angels fear to tread.