How Strange It Is!

If the kids on “Stranger Things” could find their way through The Upside Down, it’s not such a strange thing for a 14-year-old boy to turn Vermont’s gubernatorial primary upside down.

Ethan Sonneborn is too young to vote, but in the great state of Vermont, he could still run for governor. So he did.

Alas, Ethan couldn’t rely on Eleven and her supernatural powers to help him, the way she helped her friends in Hawkins. So Ethan lost the election.

Even if he had been able to tap into those supernatural powers, Ethan probably wouldn’t have defeated Christine Hallquist in the Democratic primary. Christine had something even more powerful going for her: she’s a transgender woman. In the Democratic party today, transgenders are the top Demodogs. Ethan would have stood a better chance against the Shadow Monster.

Hailing from the Ben and Jerry worker’s paradise, Ethan can spout leftist gobbledygook—he calls it practical progressive ideas—the way most New England boys can recite Tom Brady’s Super Bowl statistics. He’s kind of a mini-Bernie. But more articulate. And a lot cuter.

At 14, Ethan doesn’t drive, but he thinks a carbon tax is the way to go. Of course, he’s never owned a business—or even had a real job—but supports a higher minimum wage and a “worker’s bill of rights.”

OK. What do you expect from someone with just 14 years of accumulated wisdom?

What about the winner? Christine is certainly older. But is she wiser?

Let’s just say, it’s very hard to take her seriously. And not because her wardrobe consists of Corporal Klinger hand-me-downs. As a denizen of Bernieland, she has to talk the talk, but admits she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

Yes, Christine has some problems with capitalism.”It just encourages consumption. And we can see what consumption is doing to our world.”

This kind of thinking won’t fly in her home state. The good people of Vermont most definitely encourage consumption, especially the consumption of ice cream. Ben and Jerry, with their white privilege, have been very, very good for the state’s economy.

Perhaps Christine is thinking about what consumption is doing to socialist meccas like Cuba and Venezuela. They definitely have a consumption problem. But in both countries, their consumption problem is that they don’t have anything to consume.

Supporting socialism is pretty much a requirement for Democrats the days. It’s certainly all the rage in Vermont. Nevertheless, when asked if she views socialism more favorably than capitalism, Christine, the Democratic nominee for governor of Vermont, couldn’t say.

“I’m not sure I even know what socialism is,” she told CNN. “So I just don’t have the background to answer that question.”

One thing’s for sure. This Vermont election has provided much need entertainment to “Stranger Things” fans, who eagerly await next season’s episodes. It’s also made painfully clear that the happenings in super blue states like Vermont are a whole lot stranger—and scarier—than anything you can view on a TV show.

Photo credit: Hillary Swift/Getty Images

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About Steve Lipman

Steve Lipman is a writer in Los Angeles whose irreverent approach to the serious issues of the day goes where angels fear to tread.

Photo: BURLINGTON, VT - AUGUST 15: Vermont Democratic gubernatorial nominee Christine Hallquist speaks at a Vermont Democratic Unity Rally on August 15, 2018 in Burlington, Vermont. Hallquist, the first openly transgender person to win a major party nomination for governor, will face off against Republican incumbent Governor Phil Scott in this year's general election. (Photo by Hillary Swift/Getty Images)