Brett Kavanaugh’s America

By | 2018-07-24T14:30:01+00:00 July 25th, 2018|
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There’s so much being said about Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump’s choice for the Supreme Court. How can anyone keep up?

If you’re reading American Greatness, you’ve probably read about the judge’s impeccable credentials and character. And if you saw Kavanaugh address the press at the White House after the president introduced him, you would have seen a good and principled man. A mensch. Yes, Kavanaugh is Catholic. But you don’t have to be Jewish to be a mensch.  

But is he the man for the job? Come on. Just take a look at him, and you see the Poster Guy for a Supreme Court Justice.

OK, not everyone sees it. Elected Democrats at all levels, leftist agitators, fraudulent media acolytes—the Excess of Awful—see something entirely different.

Like Cole, the boy in The Sixth Sense, who sees dead people, a lot of Trump opponents look at Brett Kavanaugh and see a dead agenda. Every unpopular and destructive item on their wish list, all of which pretty much eviscerates the Bill of Rights—from curtailing speech and restricting religious liberty to confiscating guns—is completely dead the day Kavanaugh takes his seat on the bench.

It’s not a secret that the modus operandi of all card-carrying members of this Excess of Awful is to fundamentally transform the United States of America by foisting radical changes on the American people, changes that permanently alter culture and customs and lifestyles.

It’s a tough job, and #TheResistance is ready to do it. But they can’t do it alone. What they need most of all is to get like-minded Supreme Court justices to do the heavy lifting for them. These JINOs—Judges in Name Only—eschew their role as judges, and morph into legislators. Actually, Politburo lackeys better describe how they view the laws and the Constitution. With a 5-4 vote, these fraudulent judges can decree a slew of laws that could never be passed through the normal legislative process.

Right now, this leftist cabal has only four reliable Supreme Accomplices sitting on the high court. To succeed with their putsch, they desperately need to add a fifth. President Trump, getting the opportunity to make this Supreme Court selection, and denying them a fifth judge, has them apoplectic.

Senate hearings will begin soon. And the ugly will get uglier. So why endure the hate fest? I know. Everyone likes to peek at a car wreck. And with the Democrats and their ilk, it’s easily a ten-car pile-up. But why succumb to your voyeuristic impulses? Look no further than the list below to grasp the lunacy about to be unleashed on the American public. Then move on and enjoy the summer.

Women in Kavanaugh’s America
Brett Kavanaugh’s America will be The Handmaid’s Tale on steroids.

Right out of the gate, Kavanaugh will ban pussy hats.

Within days, Kavanaugh will overturn Roe v. Wade, and “Orange is the New Black” will become reality television, as millions of women will be sent to jail. And those will be the fortunate ones! Millions of others will die as they converge on the back-alleys across the nation to abort their fetuses with coat hangers distributed by Planned Parenthood.

Guns in Kavanaugh’s America
In Brett Kavanaugh’s America, the Gunfight at the OK Corral will seem as timid as a game of hopscotch.

Kavanaugh will mandate that all Republicans, suspecting harassment from members of the Maxine Waters Militia, be given a gun.

If attacked in a manner similar to Sarah Sanders’ confrontation at a Red Hen restaurant, Kavanaugh will give permission to shoot the attacker—and shoot to kill!—to avoid the cost of incarceration. (Keep in mind, there will be a shortage of prison space, as most prisons will be filled to capacity with all the women who had illegal abortions.)

Additionally, NRA members will be employed at public schools as security guards. Anyone, but primarily illegal aliens, threatening the lives of the students will be shot dead.

NRA members will also be enlisted to monitor the school bathrooms. Any student claiming to be transgender and attempting to use a bathroom that doesn’t match up with the student’s biological characteristics will be arrested or shot.

Kavanaugh’s Catholic America
Brett Kavanaugh, being a Catholic, will impose his religious beliefs on everyone.

As Catholicism rejects contraception, Kavanaugh will ban all forms of birth control, including the rhythm method.

Additionally, Kavanaugh will require every American to go to confession. He will compel all priests, and ICE agents moonlighting as priests, to divulge any information that might be considered subversive. Guilty parties will be sent to camps currently being constructed in Montana and North Dakota.

How Do You Solve a Problem Named Brett?
America has no place on the nation’s highest court for “some frat boy named Brett.” Judges must have real names like Ruth, Sonia, Elena, Sandra, Thurgood, and Felix.

You can be sure that Kavanaugh is unfazed by the assortment of slings and arrows hurled his way. He knows his adversaries are Lilliputians, and he’s Gulliver.

But frat boy! Those are fighting words.

Kavanaugh’s enemies might want to reconsider their strategy. He’s not one to be trifled with. Once they get him to start searching through all those emanations and penumbras, who can say what he might find? And then, all Brett’s are off.

Photo credit: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

About the Author:

Steve Lipman
Steve Lipman is a writer in Los Angeles whose irreverent approach to the serious issues of the day goes where angels fear to tread.