Will AMLO Become ‘Bernie Sandinista’?

Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, Mexico’s new socialist president, promised voters to fight corruption, redistribute wealth and encourage illegal immigration to the United States.

North of the border no one is more excited than another socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders, who reportedly phoned Obrador, known as AMLO, as soon as he heard the good news. With fireworks and celebration in the background the two comrades had plenty to talk about.

 . . . Viva AMLO! . . . Viva AMLO!  . . . Viva AMLO!

Bernie Sanders: Hola, Señor Presidente! . . . Señor Presidente? . . . AMLO, can you hear me?

Ka-Boom! Pow! Ka-Blam!

Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador:  Is that you, Bernie?

BS:  Who’d you think it was, Donald Trump?

AMLO:  He’s the south end of a burro going north.

BS: Forget about him. You did it! What a great victory for socialism!

AMLO: Wait until I get to work on the economy. Free college tuition, free housing, free transportation, free food.

BS: Free food? I should have thought of that.

AMLO: Free fertilizer, too.

BS: What about collective farms?

AMLO:  Thinking about it.

BS:  I’ll have to start calling you ‘Bernie Sandinista.’

AMLO:  You led the way, mi amigo. Showed how it was possible to take on the oppressive capitalist power structure—

BS: If I hadn’t been screwed over by Hillary and her people, I’d be president, too. Can you imagine what we’d be doing right now?

Pow! Ka-Blam! Ka-Boom!!

AMLO: Having a summit conference?

BS: In Cabo, right?

AMLO:  ¡Absolutamente! Only the finest.

BS: Speaking of which, heard anything from Trump yet?

AMLO: Nada. Not even a fax.

BS: I wouldn’t hold my breath. The guy’s too busy killing us up here with all the winning. . . . Maybe he’ll have Melania give you a call.

AMLO: I hope. Melania esta muy caliente!

BS: My wife Jane can’t stand her. The woman wears new clothes every day!

AMLO: How is Jane?

BS:  She’s OK. . . . Can I ask you something—

AMLO: And how’s Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, and the rest of the no-border people?

BS: They’re all good. If we can keep Trump from building his fakakta wall, it will be just as good as no border.

. . . Viva AMLO! . . . Viva AMLO! . . . Viva AMLO!

AMLO: Get ready for 2 million, maybe 3 million Mexicanos. At least, I think they’re Mexicanos. Anyway, what difference does it make?

BS:  I loved your speech the other day when you said sneaking into the United States was a human right.

AMLO: I knew you’d like that.

BS: Like it? It’s driving Republicans crazy. Now all we have to do is register them to vote.

AMLO: We can do that here.

BS: You can?

Ka-Blam! Pow! Ka-Boom!

AMLO: You forget. This is Mexico. We have voter ID, but you don’t. Just tell me how many Democrats you need, and we’ll send them over.   

BS: And if we can get them into a couple-dozen swing states before November, Mitch McConnell will never know what hit him.

AMLO:  Anything for the cause.

BS:  Wait until Schumer hears about this. He’ll put me on the Intelligence Committee.

…Viva AMLO!… Viva AMLO! …Viva AMLO!

AMLO: Bernie, I’ve got to get back to the fiesta.

BS:  I know. I can hear it. There’s just something I wanted to ask—

AMLO:  Don’t worry. You’re invited to the inauguration. The entertainment will be fantastico. Ricky Martin, J. Lo . . . Erik Estrada will be the MC.

BS: Sounds great—

AMLO: . . . George Lopez, maybe even Cher.

BS: Jane and I will be there for sure. But what I wanted to ask –

AMLO:  VIP transfer from the airport? No problem.

BS: That’s nice, but—

AMLO: Fruit basket in your room? You got it.

BS: Actually, Jane has a sensitive stomach.  

AMLO: Bernie, what is it? I have to go.

BS: Remember talking about Cabo? Think Jane and I can get comped on a condo after the swearing in? Maybe something with an ocean view.  

Photo credit: PEDRO PARDO/AFP/Getty Images

About Bill Thomas

Bill Thomas is the author of Club Fed: Power, Money Sex and Violence on Capitol Hill as well as other books, and the co-author of Red Tape: Adventure Capitalism in the New Russia. He is also a former editor and writer with The Economist Group.

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