Trump Derangement Syndrome for Fun and Profit

For the afflicted, Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) is plumbing new depths during their secular Roman holiday known as “Because Trump!”

Through the hateful hysteria, a discerning media entrepreneur can smell an audience. But, like so many fads before it, how long will the market last for TDS? It can only end with the end of Trump, which the TDS afflicted know must be just around the corner . . .  

Yet, if the past is any guide, Trump’s undoing is not easily done. Like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Road Runner, the TDS afflicted are sure their next mail order Acme anvil (from an ad in the New York Times) will do the trick to kill their quarry—even though all they’ve done is again ensured their own defeat.

But, hey, who gives a rat’s rip as long as the media celebrates and abets the TDS hate-fest for fun and profit?

The latest to cash in on TDS is Roseanne Barr’s ex, Tom Arnold.

To wit, this article from in The Hill: “Tom Arnold says he’s teaming up with Michael Cohen and ‘taking Trump down.’”

Per remarks to NBC News, Arnold has found a way to reboot his career and save the republic from Trump: a show on the Vice network wherein he scours the four corners of the earth—or at least YouTube—for damaging video and audio tapes of Trump.

In this televised quest for Trump’s kryptonite, Arnold asserts he has the support of Cohen, the president’s former personal lawyer who is under investigation for allegedly paying “hush money” to a porn star regarding her interactions with then-private citizen Trump. 

As proof, Arnold referenced a tweet he sent of a picture of himself and Cohen stating, “I Love New York.” Cohen retweeted the picture. (Apparently, Cohen’s twitter account lacks a disclaimer that retweets do not equal endorsements.) Though not citing what, if any, video or audio tapes Cohen might provide, nonetheless Arnold proclaimed this development as a boon to dumping Trump for ratings and remuneration.

“This dude [Cohen] has all the tapes—this dude has everything,” Arnold gushed to NBC News. “I say to Michael, ‘Guess what? We’re taking Trump down together,’ and he’s so tired he’s like, ‘OK,’ and his wife is like, ‘OK, f*** Trump.’” (Given this gripping exchange, one can only hope the show is scripted.) 

The inspiration for “The Hunt for the Trump Tapes” is the Billy Bush/Access Hollywood tape, in which Trump made lewd and crude remarks. Yet, unlike every other politician who may have been on tape making such remarks, that video didn’t destroy candidate Trump. This raises the question: what video or audio tape could?

And the answer? It’s gotta be the one the TDS-afflicted know must be just around the corner. Indeed, ever the optimist, Arnold was certain his new-and-improved, mail-ordered Acme anvil of a show would be the place to find said tape to finally stop Trump: “[Mr. Cohen and I’ve] been on the other side of the table and now we’re on the same side. It’s on! I hope [Trump] sees the picture of me and Michael Cohen and it haunts his dreams.”

Recent developments auger sweet dreams for the president. Cohen on Friday denied he was working with Arnold on anything, leading the portly comedian to apologize for the “misunderstanding”:

Knowing that, will viewers still tune into to watch Arnold, perhaps looking like Gene Hackman in “The Conversation,” poring through audio and video tapes of the president whose very existence plagues their own? Or will Trump continue to haunt the nightmares of the TDS-afflicted?

Spoiler alert: The “sooooooper-genius” coyote gets crushed by an anvil while the Road Runner keeps making America great again.

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