Ted Cruz Gets Zucked

Ted Cruz: Why am I here

Mark Zuckerberg: Senator, your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of Facebook. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here. 

Ted Cruz: You haven’t answered my question

Mark Zuckerberg: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others. Facebook is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the sixth version.

The first version of Facebook I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being, thus I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps minds less bound by the parameters of perfection.

Ted Cruz: The Winklevoss twins.

Mark Zuckerberg: Please. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end.

Ted Cruz: My career!

Mark Zuckerberg: Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness. 

Ted Cruz: If I were you, I would hope that we don’t meet again. 

Mark Zuckerberg: We won’t.

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