<> on November 1, 2012 in Toms River, United States.
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Twitter’s Jack Likes Article Vowing War on Republicans. Bring It


- April 10th, 2018
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When two California progressives write a sophomoric think piece about how to dispense with the country’s ruling political party, most sensible people don’t take it too seriously. But Jack Dorsey, the CEO of Twitter, apparently thought this idea had merit. Jack—as he’s known on the social media platform he helped to create—caused a bit of an uproar last week with this:

The “great read” was a Medium article published in January by Peter Leyden and Ruy Teixeira. It’s hard to see exactly what made Jack swoon, except that it calls for the demise of Donald Trump’s presidency and the entire Republican Party across the country, which must have some appeal to the guy whose platform is under fire for its Left-wing bias. The pair correctly claims we are engaged in a “new Civil War” and insists the Left can win by following the California model of economic dynamism, fair governance (ha!), ethnic diversity, and a renewable energy grid.

The piece is more of a climate-change screed than a legitimate political playbook, but it is also one in a series of posts bragging about California and offering “an in-depth look at how the blue state today is inventing the political future that will come to all America in the next 15 years.” But to clear the way for the Californication of America, according to Leyden and Teixeira, Republicans in ass-backward “red states” must be vanquished:

America finally needs to take the Republican Party down for a generation or two. Not just the presidency. Not just clear out the U.S. House. Not just tip back the Senate. But fundamentally beat the Republicans on all levels at once, including clearing out governorships and statehouses across the land. The Republican Party over the past 40 years has maneuvered itself into a position where they are the bad guys on the wrong side of history.

Leyden makes a mistake common among the smug techno-aristocracy: they believe, unfortunately, their ability to design digital platforms or social media outlets or online shopping websites also confers upon them the wisdom needed to dispense political advice to roughly half of the population who thinks their ideology is complete bullshit. (See movie stars and late night comedy hosts for more examples.) They view themselves as conquerors of the lower castes just because they understand how algorithms work.

A farmer in Peoria or small business owner in Des Moines wouldn’t make it past the first few paragraphs of the Medium article because they have actual work to do. Further, suggesting to folks who live in “red states” that they should follow the example of one of the country’s biggest basketcases would make them guffaw so hard that they wouldn’t be able to read the ludicrous idea through their tears of laughter. Keep in mind, this is the same state that’s shuttering nuclear plants, banning plastic straws, and labeling coffee as carcinogenic.

While the authors boast about the “economic powerhouses of the coasts,” New York and California lost nearly 330,000 residents combined in one year alone. Those two states are number one and number three in the country for out-migration. And, sorry, dudes, but the red state of Iowa was just ranked the best overall state by U.S. News & World Report based on the aggregate score of 75 economic and lifestyle factors.

Plus, when liberals claim they can win a “war,” they don’t mean a real war with weapons and ammo and flak jackets and trenches because, ew gross. Most of these “Big Bang Theory” combatants want a war they can wage from Lyfe Kitchen, firing off 280-character grenades from their iPhone and posting 4,000 words of verbal vomit on a left-wing website while eating a $15 Red Thai Curry bowl.

But the Medium piece is useful in that it lays out the modern-day, unabashed thuggery of the tyrannical Left where no dissent is permitted, no middle-class virtue is respected, no opposing view is tolerated. Republicans are no longer fellow countrymen who merely choose to live in areas where the Left doesn’t want to live and do work the Left doesn’t want to do.

Instead, the authors argue—echoing the totalitarian agenda advocated by so many of their class—this is “a fundamental conflict between two worldviews that must be resolved in short order.”

OK. Game on.

While we await incoming Twitter missiles and Vox columns from Berkeley and Manhattan, I think the folks on this side should get busy planning our counterattack. Here are a few skirmishes we can start:

Stop providing fossil-fuel energy to blue states: Leyden and Teixeira blame “incompatible energy systems” for part of the country’s political divide: “The red states held by the Republicans are deeply entrenched in carbon-based energy systems like coal. The blue states held by the Democrats are increasingly shifting to clean energy like solar and installing policies that wean the energy system off carbon. In the era of climate change, with the mounting pressure of increased natural disasters, something must give.”

Terrific! Let us help.

Climate change-denying red states will no longer export fossil fuels to blue states. Since 15 of the 20 top energy-producing states voted for Trump, this should be a cinch. I mean, the Union Army didn’t sell guns to the Confederate Army, right? If we are such planet-killing, scientifically illiterate rubes, we’ll sell our oil and natural gas elsewhere and you geniuses come up with another way to power jet planes and electrify major cities like New York and Los Angeles. Good luck.

Stop sending food to blue states: Farmers overwhelmingly voted for Trump and, as with the energy-producing states, 15 of 20 biggest food-producing states voted for Trump. (With California, obviously, being a big exception.) And all that corn from Trump Country? It’s not just used to make animal feed and foodstuffs; corn is also used to make cosmetics, disposable diapers, degradable plastics, soap, and wallpaper just to name a few items. Oh, and don’t forget about beer and whiskey. (A new whiskey rebellion!). Enjoy your lousy pinot grigio, blue staters.

Stop paying federal taxes: Democrats historically have insisted that Republicans are the party of “the one percent.” Leyden and Teixeira howl about the “differences between two economic systems or two classes that are fundamentally at odds” and the need for “big system overhauls that will create new winners and losers.”

Again, let us help.

Since Republicans are so venal, why accept our blood money into federal coffers? If you want to block us from being represented at every level of government—from the White House to Congress to state legislative bodies—we will take our money with us, starting at the federal treasury. Feel free to create your own new winners and losers without our financial help.

The superiority complex of the Left, in combination with its goonish tactics and authoritarian predilections, deserves more mockery than sincere consideration. But it never hurts to have a backup plan: Taking away their electricity, their food, and their scotch might wipe that condescending smirk right off their collective face.

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