B.S. News: Is the Schiff About to Hit the Fan?

By | 2017-06-02T18:30:05+00:00 March 3, 2018|
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Reliably anonymous sources confirm that U.S. Representative Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) is prepared to go public with a list of more than 200 “known capitalists” in the Department of Commerce.

“He’s been pretty open about his concerns over the abundance of evidence, and that some of it potentially indicates the Trump administration is riddled with known capitalists,” said a highly placed official in the House members’ dining room who is familiar with Schiff’s thinking on TV. “If true, it’s probably worst in the Department of Commerce, where the capitalists can hide in plain sight.”

As for the possible list of 200 known capitalists in the Department of Commerce, this source claims recently seeing Schiff jotting names on a cocktail napkin that was then stamped “TOPP SECERT” and tucked into an “official looking” envelope to a cable news host. “I heard he even frank mailed it.”

Another unimpeachable source who takes their morning constitutional past the Commerce Department building related how “the place was buzzing with activity” the day after Schiff could have penned his list of 200 known capitalists burrowed in the building’s bowels. “The last eight years or so, that Commerce Department was like, ‘the lights are on but nobody’s home.’ I can’t think of any rational explanation for this sudden change, except all the Trump hacks are scared to death of getting outed as capitalists and they’re shredding all the damning evidence.”

So, if Schiff has acquired the names of 200 traitors to the greater good, how could he conceivably get them and why? According to a former security analyst for the Twin Cities Shopping Insert, Rev. John Sherlock, it’s elementary: “Everything stems from Trump’s collusion with Russia to steal the election. Adam’s on the Intelligence Committee—duh! I feel beyond the shadow of a doubt,” Sherlock affirmed by phone during a break from instructing a non-credit course in hot yoga at a local vocational school, “these 200 known capitalists are what Schiff revealed were being deliberately omitted from that cherry-picked memo puked out by the Trump Stooge Nunes’ [U.S. Rep. Devin Nunes (Traitor-Calif.)]. Only a useful idiot would deny Trump put these 200 known capitalists in the Commerce Department to appease his puppet master, Putin.”

Giving credence to the charge that Schiff may well have the names of 200 known capitalists in the Commerce Department, as he drove past in his chauffeur-driven limo, Secretary Wilbur Ross refused to respond to BS News’ repeated requests for comment. But investing in dicey propositions, such as his restraining order against this reporter, is nothing new to Ross. He’s made multi-millions of dollars from tactics many economic experts have deemed “capitalistic”, including foreign investments—in, say perhaps, Russia?

Yet, as Sherlock huffed when he went for a banana smoothie, “This ain’t brain surgery. Trump’s a capitalist. Ross is a capitalist. And Putin’s their socialist master. End of story.”

And so it is—unless and until there’s leaked a list of 200 known capitalists working in the Commerce Department for the enrichment of Mother Russia; and the Schiff hits the fan to blow the lid off Capitalist-in-Chief Trump.

© 2018 B.S. News 

About the Author:

Thaddeus G. McCotter
The Hon. Thaddeus McCotter is the former chairman of the Republican House Policy Committee, current itinerant guitarist, and author of Nain Rouge Blues.