A Grammy for the Granny

A Grammy for the Granny:
A Read-Aloud Story by Hillary Clinton

Time’s Up! It’s true—I’m here for you!
We’re sisters all together;
And to the victims who’ve said MeToo,
You can count on me forever . . .

Unless, of course, you bring to light
My crimes, my lies, my sins
I’ll use my power to unfairly fight
And it’s me who always wins

If you’ve survived sexual assault
I want to send you a message:
If my husband is the one at fault
You’re the one I’ll damage

I’ll call you names, like bimbo, or slut
I’ll discredit your every word
I’ll make sure that your mouth stays shut
You won’t have the right to be heard

All women should be believed at first,
Until they are disbelieved;
And if it so happens that worst comes to worst—
I know how to act bereaved

Now here’s a new story—this thing that occurred
It happened in two thousand eight
How heartened I am that this woman was heard
Though at first I cared not for her fate.

I know how to deal with sexual harassment
(It’s not my first rodeo);
My priority is always to ensure my advancement
So I couldn’t let my prayer leader go . . .

I kept it a secret, pushed it under the rug
And sent the victim away
But now that it’s out, I’ll give her a hug
And pretend everything is okay

I called her today, to tell her I’m proud
And had her concerns in mind
And so to save face with the #MeToo crowd
I act magnanimous, and kind.

I guess I could have been the type to stay home
Baking cookies and pouring some tea
But that doesn’t help if a man wants to roam
So I decided to focus on me

I’m not sitting here like Tammy Wynette
Some little woman who stands by her man
Besides, I happen to have the mind-set
That I should be my own biggest fan

So what do you think? Was this the Best Spoken Word?
Is the Grammy in the bag?. . .
But because of applause, I don’t think she heard:
This Granny is a just an old hag.

About Michele Bregande

Michele Bregande has a bachelor's degree in philosophy from the University of Dallas and did graduate studies in art history and museum education at the College of William and Mary. She is a former arts and museum educator and exhibit designer. She is currently a stay-at-home mom, wife, and artist.

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6 responses to “A Grammy for the Granny”

  1. This is really perverted, sick stuff.
    Ms. Bregande would be best served by not typing when fall-down drunk.

      • truth?
        Proving your ignorance by opening your mouth is not an enduring trait.
        You sound like the type whose idea of a contest is to see how many times you can hit your own head with a hammer before getting knocked out.

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