A Grammy for the Granny:
A Read-Aloud Story by Hillary Clinton
Time’s Up! It’s true—I’m here for you!
We’re sisters all together;
And to the victims who’ve said MeToo,
You can count on me forever . . .
Unless, of course, you bring to light
My crimes, my lies, my sins
I’ll use my power to unfairly fight
And it’s me who always wins
All women should be believed at first,
Until they are disbelieved;
And if it so happens that worst comes to worst—
I know how to act bereaved
Now here’s a new story—this thing that occurred
It happened in two thousand eight
How heartened I am that this woman was heard
Though at first I cared not for her fate.
I know how to deal with sexual harassment
(It’s not my first rodeo);
My priority is always to ensure my advancement
So I couldn’t let my prayer leader go . . .
I kept it a secret, pushed it under the rug
And sent the victim away
But now that it’s out, I’ll give her a hug
And pretend everything is okay
I called her today, to tell her I’m proud
And had her concerns in mind
And so to save face with the #MeToo crowd
I act magnanimous, and kind.
I guess I could have been the type to stay home
Baking cookies and pouring some tea
But that doesn’t help if a man wants to roam
So I decided to focus on me
I’m not sitting here like Tammy Wynette
Some little woman who stands by her man
Besides, I happen to have the mind-set
That I should be my own biggest fan
So what do you think? Was this the Best Spoken Word?
Is the Grammy in the bag?. . .
But because of applause, I don’t think she heard:
This Granny is a just an old hag.