A Tribute to the Great Social Justice Warriors of 2017

With the New Year, the media revisited the important events of last year. Whenever a dig could be dug into President Trump, it was dug with the enthusiasm of a groundhog bent on visiting China. None of his wins received much attention in these mainstream media reviews, so let us also ignore them for now and instead, consider a few of the Great Social Justice Warriors (SJWs) of 2017…

The Tattooed Hillary Cultist
Pete Davidson, one of the lesser lights on “Saturday Night Live,” was so eager to pay homage to the “badass” Hillary Clinton that he had her face tattooed on his leg. The image, however, is a poor likeness. It looks a bit like the evil girl doll in the movie “Bride of Chucky.” One wonders what the image will resemble when Davidson’s leg hair grows out on the spot shaved for the tattoo—Werewolf Hillary? Davidson’s tattoo scored him big SJW points, and he won’t be rotated out of pro-Clinton SNL anytime soon.

The Man Who Mistook a Robot for Trump
Jay Malsky, an actor and former executive assistant at NBC, went to Disney World to vent his hatred of President Trump. In the Hall of Presidents, where robot versions of America’s presidents are used to teach a bit of history, Malsky started screaming “Lock him up!” at the Trump robot (an imprecation more often associated with Hillary Clinton). The startled audience, which included children, were not impressed. More than one spectator was reported to have reminded Malsky that the robot wasn’t actually Trump so his SJW tantrum was pointless. Malsky was escorted out of the attraction but we can be sure his progressive cockles were glowing like hot coals with self-satisfaction. Malsky followed up with a tweet advocating Trump’s death. He ignorantly claimed that his screaming in a private venue was protected free speech because Disney is “a publicly traded company.” Since many places are owned by publicly traded companies, by Malsky’s logic, we can all start screaming in all of them. Won’t that be fun?

The People Who Freaked Out Over a Confederate Flag
During the holidays, the Trump family, like every modern president’s family, went on vacation. Ivanka, her husband Jared Kushner, and their son Joseph went fishing. Ivanka posted a photo of the boy holding up a fish he had caught. It didn’t take long for the SJWs who scrutinize every Trump-related posting for secret signals to the slavering, racist deplorables lurking behind every bush in America to proclaim the photo was proof of Jared’s “true colors.” He was clearly a racist because in the background of the photo there was a houseboat, which was flying—sound a sinister “dum-de-dum-dum”—a Confederate flag! The flag was approximately a football field away and in the photo was about the size of Lincoln’s nose on a penny, but it was proof positive (after magnification) that Trump is the Manchurian candidate of a ghostly Confederate States of America. He probably gets his orders from none other than the spirit of Jefferson Davis through a Ouija board in the Oval Office.

If we are to associate proximity to a Confederate symbol with racism we will, like non-smokers who suffer from second-hand smoke from being near smokers, all be in jeopardy of “second-hand racism.” Not to worry, however, for SJWs stand ready to smash any statue, scrape off any dedication, and expurgate any reference to the Confederacy.

The Reporter Who Saw a ‘White Power’ Symbol That Wasn’t
In another secret-signal-in-a-photo incident, in November, Trump posed for a photo with the some White House interns. They were told to smile and make a thumbs-up gesture to signify a positive mood. A month later, David Martosko, a tabloid journalist with the MailOnline, spotted one intern holding up not a thumb but a gesture made by touching his thumb with his index finger while pointing his other fingers up. He quickly tweeted that the young man was flashing a “white power” sign.

The MailOnline published his claim and identified the intern as Jack Breuer, thereby setting up Breuer for an Internet virtual lynching as a Nazi. The tweet got hundreds of likes from eager anti-Trumpers anxious to endorse the exposure of Nazism in the White House, but their fun was spoiled the next day when Breuer tweeted that he wasn’t making a racist gesture—he was making the OK sign. The intern, who is Jewish, said he’d just misunderstood that all the interns were supposed to give a thumbs up and gave the OK gesture to signify his positive feelings. Marosko and his tabloid refused to retract their claim despite the Anti-Defamation League saying Breuer’s “OK” was okay with them.

The Joker Who Gave Steve Mnuchin Horse Poop
On Christmas Day, gift-wrapped packages were left at two homes owned by Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. He was out of town, but members of his household spotted the “gifts.” Anonymous packages left by the doors of public officials aren’t welcome in our age of terrorism, so the bomb squad was summoned. They discovered after a cautious examination that the packages contained horse dung. There were cards on the packages identifying them as coming from “the American people” in response to the tax bill Trump had wrangled through Congress. When the incident was reported in the media, which played down the risk associated with such mystery packages, the sender gleefully identified himself. The giver of manure was Los Angeles Countypsychologist Robby Strong and not “the American people.” This was Strong’s 15 minutes of SJW fame, and he wasn’t going to stay anonymous and let it go by unenjoyed.

Comparing himself to Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus Christ, Strong exulted in his puerile stunt. On Facebook, he insisted his dung gifts were protected free speech and mocked the notion that Mnuchin and his family might feel threatened by unwanted packages from unknown people. He wrote: “LOL! It was pure organic horse–, just like everything that administration’s done so far. Bomb scares certainly were not my intention, but maybe they should be a little scared, eh.” It was an insult followed by a smug CYA, then a coy death threat. SJWs equate verbal disagreement with physical violence and demand the destruction of anyone who utters a word that triggers them but death threats against those they don’t like are not only an acceptable form of speech, they are “oh-so-funny,” “edgy,” and “clever.” At the zoo, monkeys routinely throw their filth at spectators. Strong’s mode of expression hasn’t evolved beyond theirs. One might also suggest that Strong equating his “free speech” with manure is quite apt.

The Women Who Saw Sexual Assault in a Fairy Tale
In another Disney-related incident, Sarah Hall, a mother residing in England, asked her 6-year-old son’s school to remove “Sleeping Beauty” from the curriculum because the fairy tale promoted “inappropriate sexual behavior.” She believes that Prince Charming kissing the princess was wrong, as the princess didn’t consent to it because she was asleep. In a tweet, Kazue Muta, a sociology and gender theory professor at Osaka University in Japan, extended the assault charge to include “Snow White”: “When you think rationally about ‘Snow White’ and ‘Sleeping Beauty,’ that tell of a ‘princess being woken up by the kiss of a prince,’ they are describing sexual assault on an unconscious person … [and are] promoting sexual violence and I would like everyone to be aware of it.” In both stories, as retold in the versions that children get today, the princess is cursed with eternal sleep and can only be revived by true love’s kiss. The kiss is magical mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. If Hall or Muta came upon an unconscious soul being revived by what has been called “The Kiss of Life,” would they self-righteously stop it and have the rescuer jailed? Should the princesses have had the foresight to wear medical alert bracelets bearing “IF FOUND IN A MAGICAL COMA, PLEASE LOCATE A PRINCE TO BESTOW A SMOOCH”?

Labeling a chaste kiss in an innocent fairy tale as sexual assault trivializes real sexual assault. Both stories portray true love overcoming adversity, something that we should want children to believe is also possible in their lives.

These are only a few of the awesome SJW Awards of 2017. In the year to come, we can expect lots more, especially ones aching to attack President Trump. He’s not a cuddly kind of guy with his braggadocious personality and quick response to slights but that’s not why he is despised by the Left. He is hated because he spoiled the grand ascension of Hillary Clinton to the presidency and thwarted the social justice utopia dreams of the Left, where every other person you met would be an illegal immigrant given amnesty to vote Democrat, where every corporation would be taxed into nationalization, where NRA members would be lined up against a wall and disarmed and humiliated, where the evil patriarchy would be replaced by an aristocracy based on identity politics and sanctified by past grievances, where the military would be downsized to a couple of guys with a baseball bat they would take turns sharing, and where that horrible tune from the 70s Coke commercial would be our national anthem.

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About Ed Morrow

Ed Morrow is an author and illustrator who lives in Vermont with his wife Laurie and their son Ned. Morrow’s books include “The Halloween Handbook,” “599 Things You Should Never Do,” and “The Grim Reaper’s Book of Days.” His work has appeared at National Review Online, The American Spectator, the Daily Caller, and Front Page Magazine, among others.