Silent night? Not tonight. No sleep for you. After church, you have bread to bake, two bicycles to assemble and about 26 gifts to wrap that you waited until the last minute to buy—because you’re old-school like that.
Well, maybe some sleep after some eggnog. The proper kind. But it won’t be sound sleep. Maybe two or three hours. And just as the sun begins to peek through the shades, they will be at your bedside. Sure, you’ll try to ignore them at first. Pretend to be a log, a rock – anything. Pretend to be dead. (You probably wish you were.)
You say what they say and plead what they plead. “Go away.” “Leave me alone.” “Just five more minutes.” “Another five minutes.” “Ten more minutes.” Forget it. It’s futile.
Evidently, Santa drank too much nog and left cookie crumbs all over the floor. Or maybe it was the cat. Either way, now you have ants. Twenty minutes later, the kids are vibrating with excitement and you try to remember it’s a holy day. Be patient and charitable. Be kind. Mumble the curses rather than shout them.
Ah, but it’s easy to forget the virtues when so much is on the line. Your teenaged son wanted a different smartphone, which is back-ordered through February. Your daughter wanted a different doll, which cost $150 more. Oh, and the cat broke an heirloom ornament. But your spouse smiles at the ugly sweater and you needed the new socks.
Your living room looks like a bomb exploded in a wrapping paper factory. And it’s only 7:30 a.m. . . .
Read the rest at the Sacramento Bee.
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